Contributors

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Ah, Hunter...

A reader sent me this quote over email yesterday. I miss Hunter S. Thompson...his acerbic wit, his assholeishness, his complete command the English language, and his honesty. This was written shortly before his death in 2005.

"We have become a Nazi monster in the eyes of the whole world -- a nation of bullies and bastards who would rather kill than live peacefully. We are not just Whores for power and oil, but killer whores with hate and fear in our hearts. We are human scum, and that is how history will judge us. No redeeming social value. Just whores. Get out of our way, or we'll kill you. Well, shit on that dumbness, George W. Bush does not speak for me or my son or my mother or my friends or the people I respect in this world. We didn't vote for these cheap, greedy little killers who speak for America today -- and we will not vote for them again in 2002. Or 2004. Or ever. Who does vote for these dishonest shitheads? Who among us can be happy and proud of having all this innocent blood on our hands? Who are these swine? These flag-sucking half-wits who get fleeced and fooled by stupid rich kids like George Bush? They are the same ones who wanted to have Muhammad Ali locked up for refusing to kill gooks. They speak for all that is cruel and stupid and vicious in the American character. They are the racists and hate mongers among us -- they are the Ku Klux Klan. I piss down the throats of these Nazis. And I am too old to worry about whether they like it or not. Fuck them."

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Special Comment

One of my regular readers sent this to me and I thought it was pretty accurate. Enjoy!

Monday, February 26, 2007

Aargh!!!

Alright, I can't take it anymore. And I am tired of being nice. The last few days have made me unbearably ashamed of our country....aggravating me to the point of nuclear acid reflex syndrome. So I must vent!

First up is Army Chief of Staff General Peter Schoomaker who, at a speech last Friday, was asked about where the Army was in finding Osama bin Laden. The response of the highest ranking officer in the Army? "I don't know whether we'll find him," he said in a speech to the Rotary Club of Fort Worth. "I don't know that it's all that important, frankly."

Great. That's just fucking great. I don't want to hear one more word from ANY conservatives about how the Democrats are weak on terror. You want to gripe about something? Start with this guy. And after that why don't you move on to President Bush and Drunken Shooter, who were both quoted over the weekend as saying that the United States will never bomb KNOWN Al Qaeda bases in Pakistan because they are our allies.

Hey, George and Dickhead, why don't you fly over there, help them put on their jammies, and give them a good night kiss...making sure they are comfortable, of course! Osama bin Laden is responsible for the 9-11 attacks. He is our nation's biggest threat. He is Number One on the FBI's most wanted list and the Army thinks he doesn't matter anymore? And Shooter wants to rely on Pakistan to help "root out Al Qaeda?" Right. Like that is going to happen. And somehow this is all OK ? Something is very, very wrong here people. The words coming out of these people's mouths....something stinks to high heaven and I smells me a rat.

Helping matters immensely as always, is our own resident moron, Michele Bachmann (R-MN, 6th District) who has been going around saying that she knows of a "secret Iranian plan" to partition Iraq into three parts and create a terrorist safe haven. "Half of Iraq, the Western and Northern Portion of Iraq, is going to be called the Iraq State of Islam, something like that. And I'm sorry, I don't have the official name, but it's meant to be the training grounds for terrorists, " she was quoted as saying.

Um...what the fuck are you talking about Michele? First of all, Iran supports the US backed government because it is a Shiite led body. Second, the Northern part of Iraq is run by the Kurds, peacefully I might add, and have no love loss for Iran. In fact, they have been and are our strongest ally in the country. Third, most of the violence in Iraq is being carried out by Sunni extremists, who loathe Iran and have NOTHING WHATSOEVER TO DO WITH AL QAEDA (aka the people who actually attacked us on 9-11).

None of what she is saying makes any sense to me but in this day and age of conservatives making up a bunch of shit based on their paranoid delusions, lying about it, and then playing into people's ignorant fears to gain votes, maybe by this time next week, the Bachman View on Iran will be gospel (pun fully intended).

For those of you who live in the Sixth District of Minnesota, your representative has taken leave of her senses and needs to be removed from office immediately. Please demand a recall vote and find someone who a). knows what they are talking about and b). is not completely full of shit. For more on this nausea, click here.

Thank goodness, though that we have the media, who can always be relied upon to report only the most important issues of the day. CNN, MSNBC, and Fox News are all bastions of democratic discourse and continually further our own intellectual.....wait, sorry, I have to stop typing because now I am the one that is completely full of shit.

For the last week, all three of the major news networks have been wall to wall Anna Nicole Smith and Brittany fucking Spears. This is news? Arguments over the body of dead woman? A spoiled bitch shaving her head is the lead story? Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, our own Star and Tribune ran a story about how Anna Nicole Smith "really wanted to be friends with Brittany." Really? (Giggle....) That's just so way cool important!!!

I am sooooo happy (photo above fully conveys my message to all three networks) to see that we are right back where we were on September 10, 2001 when the most important news of the day were people being attacked by sharks. Do you want to know why Al Qaeda managed to attack us so easily? It's because of bullshit idiocy like all of the above.

Imagine being a family member of someone who died in the 9-11 attacks. You are now being told by your government that the person responsible for the attacks isn't that important. You have a member of Congress who was the emotional maturity of a thirteen year old girl and likes to make up stuff! Your media has completely and utterly failed you in being the public purveyor of important information.

How do you feel?

Friday, February 23, 2007

The Funnies

I think I have put just about every typical section of a newspaper up here over the years: news, sports, entertainment, and opinion (obviously). Saving the weather for another time, I thought I would share a comic that I saw the other day in the City Pages. If you can't read it, click on the picture and it take you to page where can view it in a larger size

It has been two days since I saw it and I am still laughing about it.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Oooo, tough guy!

There has been a lot of talk in the latest thread about how Democrats are "weak" and Republicans are "tough" so I thought I would share this video with all of you.

This was a press conference six months after 9-11. If Al Gore were president and said these things, neocons would've called for his head. Instead, since George Bush can do no wrong, he gets a free pass. Oh, and Mr. President, the host country that you talk about here...hmm...Taliban resurgence, Al Qaeda camps rebuilt...

You're doing a heckuva job, Brownie!

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Bringin' Out The Sack

Two posts from me today. Kinda different, I know, but after hearing Australian Prime Minister John Howard (left) run his mouth recently, I had to put something up about it.

He was quoted as saying, "Terrorists are praying for a Democrat to win in 2008." Why? If you follow this line of logic, it is because Democrats are "weak" and the terrorists will be able to attack our country again. Once the Democrats are in power again, terrorists will be able to run rampant, killing people left and right in the Middle East and around the world.
I think Prime Minister Howard and whoever in the Bush administration is paying him off need to be reminded of a few facts.

1. The worst terrorist attack in our country's history occurred under a Republican president.

2. The last time I checked Al Qaeda has been rebuilding much of its operation in Afghanistan and terrorists are carrying out attacks on a daily basis in Iraq, Lebanon, Gaza, The West Bank, India, Pakistan, Indonesia (am I starting to bore all of you yet?....I could go on...)

3. All of the major candidates for the Democratic nomination have been on record as saying that troops need to be re-deployed to fight the people who actually attacked us on 9-11.

4. The Democrats, not the Republicans, were the ones who have been fighting tooth and nail to enact the recommendations of the 9-11 commission.

So, Johnny, congratulations. You are the recipient of this week's Shitsack!


Enjoy!

Whither the Good News?

WCCO has an interesting story on their web site today about where all the good news in Iraq is being reported or not reported. Check it out.



The most interesting thing I found was the percentages: 25 percent negative, 20 percent positive, 35 percent neutral, and 20 percent too diverse to categorize. So, all the lather that neocons have themselves worked up for is for a measley 25 percent? Maybe they should stop watching the "liberal" media channels so much and seek out alternative news sources.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Only A Matter Of Time

Take a look at these two videos below. The first one is Fox's sad attempt to air a "Daily Report" type show but skewed to conservativer humour. Originally, I had planned on my first column about Barack Obama being my last in a series on the 2008 Presidential hopefuls but I really couldn't wait to get this up. What absolutely slays me about this is the video that they show over the voice over "everywhere people are going crazy for Barack Obama." It's news footage from a rally in Africa, not the United States, and one in which Senator Obama was not even in attendance. The subtext here is staggering. Talk about pandering. Fox is basically saying, "Look at the nutty savages jumping around for Obama. They's crazy, massuh!"

The second video is a story on Rush Limbaugh calling Halle Barry and Barack Obama a "Halfrican American."

So much for conservatives being racially sensitive.

Video #1

Video #2

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Understand My Frustration Now?

Monday, February 12, 2007

De Plane! De Plane!

This may come as a shock to many of you but there are people in our country that believe we are living on Fantasy Island. You know....a magical place where there are no repercussions for anything we do. A place where there is no responsibility....especially if you are a conservative.

Take for example the issue of global warming. As I was driving to work the other day, I tuned in AM 1500 to listen to the morning musings of Bob Davis, their 9am-12n host. For the past couple of weeks, ol' Bob has got a bur up his ass about what he calls "The Global Warming Conspiracy." According to Bob, every scientist that says that Carbon Dioxide emissions are raising the temperature of the Earth is part of this conspiracy and they are willfully muzzling scientists who disagree with them in order to make money. It's money, not trying to save mankind, that is motivating these global warming maniacs. Former presidential candidate Al Gore is at the forefront of this conspiracy with his movie An Inconvenient Truth, which is now being shown in schools around the country as fact. Heresy! (according to Bob anyway).

Even our own President Bush has now been co-opted by these evil forces, daring to mention alternative fuels and environmental shepardism in his State of the Union address. In addition, Christian Conservatives have also lost the plot, so to speak, and have formed groups like the Evangelical Christian Initiative. Gads!

I used to have a lot of respect for Bob Davis. His old show came on right before Art Bell late at night and he always had many interesting things to say. I didn't always agree with him...he is a conservative after all....but I enjoyed his show. Listening to him spew his litany of half truths last week made me decide is was high time I wrote a column about global warming and what is really going on. To do that, I must first explain the definition of a scientific theory.

Contrary to what many neocons will have you believe, all science begins with an idea or "theory" which is then advanced towards validation based on research. Empirical evidence is gathered and theories become more sound or less sound based on the data gathered. Remember, though, that no matter how much evidence is gathered, theories remain theories and they always will. This is unlike conservatives who take their religious "belief" and stick to it come hell or high water. It's a lot easier to change an idea but a belief...well you might as well try to get Brad Childress (current head coach of the Minnesota Vikings) to admit that his offensive scheme blows ass. It is not going to happen.

Take for example, the theory of evolution. Yes, that's right, folks evolution is a theory. You didn't read it wrong. It just so happens that evolution is a theory that has a lot of evidence behind it and is more than likely accurate in explaining how we evolved. One of the common misconceptions about evolution is that it explains the origin of life. It does not. It simply explains how homo sapiens evolved over time. Unlike the faith based explanations of life, science allows for future discoveries to lead to alternate theories.

Global warming is a theory as well. Last week, major scientists of the world agreed, with 90 percent certainty, that global warming is happening as a result of carbon dioxide emissions from mankind. Does that mean that it is happening unequivocally beyond a doubt? No. But it is highly probable. And what I got from the reports is that we need to do something about it. For sake of brevity, I am not going to list the full report and evidence but you can click here for that.

The problem with the ever shrinking group of people that doesn't believe in global warming is that they don't really listen, they don't understand, and they let their own paranoia and sensationalism carry them away. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that the people that stand to lose the most money from global warming initiatives are the same people that got President Bush elected (aka the same people that own KSTP). These are the same people who are waging a systemic effort to "play down" the threat of global warming and as well as a disinformation campaign (of which ol' Bob is a part of) that rivals the current "War on Terror" drivel.

Several media outlets have reported that more than 120 scientists across 7 federal agencies have been pressured by members of Bush Co. to remove references to "climate change" and "global warming" in reports, press releases, and even intra-office memos. NASA (National Aeronautics and Space Administration) and NOAA (National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration) scientists have basically been living in fear for the last six years and have seen much of the work buried if it had anything to do with global warming. It is because of these stories that I don't believe President Bush when he says that he now believes in global warming.

So, all of you will have to excuse me when I get enraged to the point of insanity when I hear people like Bob Davis talk about scientists being muzzled who don't believe in global warming. IT'S THE OTHER WAY AROUND, FUCKO! I hear scientists all the time on Fox News, AM 1280, and AM 1500 talking about the myth of global warming. In fact, you had one on today! What the hell are you talking about, Bob?

I find it ironic that people like Bob Davis are eager to believe anything that has to do with "evil doers comin to gin us" and yet believe nothing about the very real dangers of global warming. It is in this irony that you can see the real agenda behind this tactic. The military industrial complex benefits from a frightened population all too willing to give up their freedoms to "fight terror" and is in danger from any referendum on global warming because the very building of these weapons is causing some of the problems with the environment.

So, Bob, there is a conspiracy and the ones that are after money (or in this case keeping their grubby hands on it) are the people YOU support....They are also know as THE PEOPLE THAT CAUSED THE PROBLEM IN THE FIRST PLACE. This is what I meant in my column entitled "Origin of the Species" from two weeks ago. The people that talk about global warming being a danger...what is their goal? From what I can see, it is taking better care of our planet. The people that think that global warming is a hoax...what is their goal? To keep things the way they are? To do nothing?

Which one is part of the solution and which one is part of the problem?

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Cured!

Hallelujah! Ted Haggard is cured!

For those of you who don't know, this video will catch you up on the saga of Ted Haggard, President of the National Assoication of Evangelicals. After the news came out about his meth amphatimine fueled gay sex escapades last fall, he declared that he would be entering a treatment program, much like AA, that would cure his gayness.

Initial estimates put his detoxifiction at 1-3 years but the Lord works in mysterious ways and Pastor Haggard has been cured in only three weeks! So, no more drugs, cocksucking, anal love, and large buckets of oil for Teddy. I guess he will just have to content himself with missionary position sex with his wife.

What a bore....

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

How Things Really Are

I thought I would throw up this video so we could see the "real conservative" response to President Bush's State of the Union address. What I find most interesting about his comments is how he views the Democrats--which dovetails into my topic from yesterday.

How can people like Tony Perkins think that the Democrats are "non family" when all of the bills they pushed through the House ultimately help the family AND had Republican support?

Monday, February 05, 2007

Get Out Your Scorecards

Buried deep within the back pages of most major newspapers and aired at the end of each news hour on all of the major news networks was a story that only the "liberal" media could air.

The Democrats actually did something.

That's right, folks. I know it's hard to believe but for once a group of politicians kept their promise:

The First 100 Hours.

Nancy Pelosi, the current Speaker of the House of the United States House of Representatives, promised the American people that if they Democrats were elected in November of 2006, shit would get done. It has gotten done. And they even got it all done in only 42.5 legislative hours. For those of you keeping score on this so called "do nothing" political party, here are the facts:

Jan 9, 2007: Anti-terrorism recommendations of the 9-11 Commission. The first piece of legislation out of the gate was security. Why this had not been passed by conservatives and does not have the support of President Bush (two groups of people that supposedly want our nation safer) is a mystery to me. The new bill changes the formula for allocation of federal funds for distribution to states and cities which is good because places like Kentucky, Alabama, and Mississippi (three very conservative states btw) were getting more money than places like New York, California, and New Jersey get more. Gee, I wonder why. This bill also beefs up intelligence on our border and scanning of cargo coming into the US. (Passed 299-128, GOP Support 68)

Jan 10, 2007: Raised the Minimum Wage...to $7.15 an hour. Oh well, I guess more people will be making more money aka The End of the World is nigh. Lock up your daughters! (315-116, GOP Support 82)

Jan 11, 2007: Passed Stem Cell Research which lifts President Bush's restrictions on using federal funds for human embryonic stem cell research and puts our country back onto a path of actual thinking and away from the "let's use leeches and think good thoughts" method of science we have employed for the last seven years. (253-174, GOP support 37)

Jan 12, 2007: Passed Medicare Drug Prices plan which requires the US government to negotiate directly with drug companies to obtain lower prescription prices for seniors. Yep, now my grandmother and grandfather, ages 89 and 90 respectively, won't have to skip pills anymore because Anderson T. Wilson, CEO of Butt Ram Pharmaceuticals, needs to have a third vacation home. (Passed 255-170, GOP Support 24)

January 17, 2007: Passed Student Loans bill which would but the interest rate in half. Again, less money for rich people. How sad. (Passed 356-71, GOP support 124)

January 18, 2007: Passed a new Energy Policy which will roll back 14 billion dollars of tax breaks and subsidies for US Oil companies. The money will go into a reserve which will fund alternative energy. Probably the saddest one of all...because my life's goal is to make sure that this fat fuck to the left (recently retired Chairman of ExxonMobil, Lee Rayomond ) gets to continue to stuff his face full of one hundred dollar pastries. (Passed 264-163, GOP Support 36)

In addition, I am happy to report that on several of these issues my congressmen, Jim Ramstead, voted with the Democrats. Apparently he, along with several other Republicans, are starting to wake up and smell the coffee. The American people want change and if they don't get it, elected officials in Congress are going to be shown the door.

The same can not be said for Michele Bachmann (last seen making lipstick imprints on her 8 x 10 glossy of President Bush) however, voted against every one of these bills. I am so shocked by this that it is hard for me to even type right now. Just out of curiosity, and I really want an answer here, is it possible that there is someone who is more of a mindless sycophant than Michele Bachmann.?

Anyway, the reality is that the Senate will take longer to pass these bills and President Bush will more than likely veto the stem cell bill and the energy bill for sure. Even so, I am extremely heartened by the number of Republicans that voted on each of these bills; 82 for the minimum wage and 124 for the student loans bill are huge steps in the right direction and it may just be that I will have one or two less things to bitch about on this blog. Sigh....

But the most satisfying gift of all that the Democrats have given us is the one that plucks a large tomato from the cart and throws it squarely in the eyes of the naysayers. The constant dirge of verbal epithets, email, and posts on this blogs which characterize the Democrats as a "do nothing but whine" party can now be viewed as having the intrinsic worth of a bucket of warm spit. Isn't it odd that it took the Democrats, the supposed representatives of the irresponsible and lazy citizens of our country, to insist upon an actual 40 hour work week for Congress?

Do tell.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

President Bush Goes on a Rampage

Well, not exactly a rampage but President Bush toured a Caterpillar plant in Peoria, Illinois two days ago and apparently got a little wacky. It seems our esteemed leader had some difficulty maneuvering the heavy machinery and almost took out some of those "liberal" media members.

Sgt. Perkins sent me this link

http://www.talk.newsweek.com/default.asp?item=464251

which details the story in further detail. The reason why I am posting it here is for all you to scroll down after the column and read the comments. They are hilarious. They are not unlike the comments on this blog and I found them to be quite refreshing, particularly the neocon remarks which further illustrate the bubble of unreality in which they currently reside. Enjoy!