Five Years

Five years ago,today, our country was attacked by Islamic extremists. Shortly after this attack, I started writing; first in email form and then on this blog. I wanted to work out my anger, my aggression, and my sadness at what was, in my opinion, the worst day in our country's history. The journey from there to here has been filled with many comments, arguments, and discussions.


Everything written in my column or in the comments section has made us better people in my opinion. Some of the arguments have been petty but in the end I think we have all benefited from an online "town hall" meeting that has gone on for virtually five years. I know that your writings have helped me and I have grown beyond what I started out as....an angry person who hated virtually every male Muslim in the world......to someone who is more understanding of the majority of citizens in that part of the world. Recently, however, the questions I find I am asking myself over and over again is: how could we, as a nation, be so off target now? And how can I, as a lone voice in the cyber-wilderness, help? I think I'll answer the last question first.

Five years ago I began a journey that has brought me to a crossroads in my life. Today is a watershed moment for me as this evening, around 5:30 pm, I will begin my Masters program in Education. I honestly believe that if the attacks did not happen, I would not have considered becoming a teacher or even a writer. Chances are pretty good that a Notes from the Front blog would not have existed. After the election of 2000, I felt so apathetic about politics that I found it hard to engage anyone in any sort of discussion of current events or international affairs. I really started to tune out during the whole O-J debacle and lost complete interest when two candidates were presented to me that were just plain awful. I was disengaged. After 9-11, I decided to put my virulent feelings to work in a positive way, become engaged, and attempted to share my point of view in the hopes that this blog would be a gateway for someone to ask more questions....to learn more......to somehow improve, in a small way, our current condition. It is my hope that this has been my way to help out in some sort of small fashion.

After the attacks, I really felt that America would come together. For a time, we did. People seemed to cared more about each other and there was a thirst for knowledge about the Middle East. Most of our citizens were engaged in world events for the first time in decades and we had the love of the rest of the world. I recall the scenes from Tehran of people holding candles and holding American flags in honor of the fallen. All of that good will is gone now...spoiled by the greedy men that have pretty much been running (or ruining) our country, in one form or another, since November 22, 1963. A coup d'etat occurred on that day and it has been the same people (or like minded people) that have been in charge ever since.

Any person that has come along like Jack Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Bobby Kennedy, or John Lennon who has tried to unite people and make the world a more equal or better place has been eliminated. An event like 9-11 is no different. In the end, something that should have brought us together was tarnished, twisted and has ended up dividing our nation even more. I lay the blame for this squarely at the feet of our current leadership who have hijacked that awful day for their own tyrannical needs.

Some of you might not know this but not all of the 3000 victims were American. Many were British and others hailed from countries around the world including Iran. To me, it was an attack upon civilization by a group of uncivilized, insane men who have no regard for human life and a high regard for human suffering.

Which brings me to my other question: where did it all go wrong? Specifically, in regards to bringing those responsible to justice? While it's true that Khalid Sheik Mohammed, one of the men responsible for 9-11, is in custody, the other two, Osama bin Laden and Ayman al Zawahari are still at large. The simple fact that the United States, the most powerful nation on the planet, can't find these two men enrages me to the point of insanity. It seems so simple a task given our technology and our intelligence. Vexing me further still are the people in this country who think that Bush Co has done a great job in the War on Terror.

Over the last few weeks, CNN has been airing a documentary entitled "In The Footsteps of Bin Laden," put together by Christiane Amanpour. Just in time for the fifth anniversary of 9-11, the two hour report summarizes what happened leading up to 9-11, what happened immediately after, and what the future holds. I highly recommend watching this program as it demonstrates the completely apathetic attitude of this administration as well as an utter lack of planning in key moments in the War on Terror. Much of the report contained information that I already knew and have talked about extensively on this blog. It did, however, contain two pieces of information, one factual and one conjecture, that were truly horrifying.

Before I go any further, for those of you who loathe Bush Co, please remove all objects from your desk and anything around your personage that could cause you or someone else physical damage. Any outrage you have felt up this point will be small compared to how you will feel after you read the next few paragraphs. For those of you who are still in love with Bush Co, please open another Internet Explorer window and begin searching through your government approved websites and propaganda to calm yourself from my "bias" and "evil liberalism." Everyone ready? Good.

In December 2001, Gary Berntsen was the CIA field commander in charge of capturing and killing Osama bin Laden in the Tora Bora mountain region (left) in Afghanistan. According to Berntsen, they had intercepted bin Laden's radio transmissions and had him cornered. American forces combined with Afghan and Pakistani forces had forced him into an area that was somewhat large and needed to be more thoroughly searched. Up to this point, Berntsen had felt somewhat uncomfortable relying so heavily on non-US forces so he sent a request to CENTCOM (Central Command for US Forces) for more troops.


They never came.

And his request was never answered because, you see, dear readers, our beloved president, our vice president and our warm, wonderful defense secretary must have thought that 50 men were enough to find Osama bin Laden.

50 men.

50 men to search an area that was (and still is) hundreds of square miles. 50 men to dig through the massive complex of caves that had been in place, well known by bin Laden, since the 1980s during the Soviet occupation.

Berntsen had requested 600-1000 army rangers be sent in to help find bin Laden. His request did not even elicit a response. Nothing. Silence. And somehow (gosh, wonder how?) bin Laden managed to slip away through the "net" that Pakistani forces had set up. Since that time, the searches for bin Laden have been half hearted at best and the real focus has been Iraq. This year, command of security and the search for Al Qaeda has been turned over to NATO. Mr. Berntsen has written a book on this called Jawbreaker and it can be purchased here.

What happened at Tora Bora and the "search" since then has always perplexed me. How could we let the man (or men if you count Zawahari) escape? The person most directly responsible for the worst attack on American soil? What happened? And why is NATO now running the show?

Well, now I know. And it pretty much confirms everything I have ever said about Bush Co. Basically it boils down to three possible reasons or perhaps some combination of all three.

1. Our current leadership is inept.
2. Our current leadership doesn't care.
3. Our current leadership was complicit.

I think the way our federal government (and by that I mean both Democrats and Republicans) has handled the War on Terror, Iraq, Iran, North Korea, and Hurricane Katrina goes a long way to proving the first reason to be accurate. But stupidity only goes so far and then you have to look at what they value and that has always been Iraq. The 9-11 attacks provided this administration with the popular support it needed to invade Iraq. As early as Thanksgiving 2001, according to Bob Woodward in his book "Plan of Attack", plans were under way to invade Iraq. That is what they have always cared about. They could've cared less about Afghanistan. There's no money there! That's one of the main reasons why Tora Bora was such a fiasco. The leadership in our Armed Forces was under orders, by the president, to focus on Iraq during that same time period, December 2001. Woodward, by the way, had complete access to President Bush and his staff and actually received approval by the president to quote him directly!

The balls on our president.....I'll tell ya. Woodward's book, which you can purchase here, is a stunning, step by step look at a complete loss of focus on our true enemies and, ultimately, the breakdown of our democracy. We (that includes me) gave the president carte blanche to go after somebody...anybody....to right the wrong that was done to us. We were all duped into thinking that it was part of the War on Terror and that somehow it would help us in our fight against bin Laden. I know I let my anger cloud my judgment and that will never happen again.

All of this makes me wonder if it was really "just bureaucracy" that prevented us from stopping the 9-11 hijackers. Did people in our government know ahead of time that an attack was coming? Did they let it happen? It's very possible. Heck, Don Rumsfeld told talk show host Larry King that at eight o'clock on the morning of the 9-11 attacks he was meeting with Congressmen and told them that "sometime in the next two, four, six, eight, ten, twelve months there would be an event that would occur in the world that would be sufficiently shocking that it would remind people again how important it is to have a strong healthy defense department." We have all seen the countless documents and testimonies that detail how much we knew before the attacks. Yet nothing was done. People like counter-terrorism expert John O'Neill (who died in the 9-11 attacks by the way) and Coleen Rowley were screaming their heads off about Al Qaeda in the United States. No one did anything. Why? Stupidity and apathy only go so far and then you have to look at other motives which bring us back to Iraq.

We went into Iraq for a multitude of reasons which are now mostly untrue or outright lies. Even Bush himself has said that Iraq had nothing to do with the 9-11 attacks and that bin Laden was responsible. Bush has said that every effort has been made to find him. Yet, what do you think it says to bin Laden, when we basically showed him that he can commit the worst attack on our soil in our country's history and Saddam Hussein is still more important? I guess bin Laden is, as President Bush has said, "insignificant."

And the CNN report confirms what is coming next. Now, bear in mind, what follows is partly conjecture. According to the documentary, odd as it may seem, many in Al Qaeda felt the 9-11 attacks were wrong. It was too big a blow. Bin Laden's own son left him quickly after the attacks because he felt that his father had ruined their little paradise in Afghanistan. There was much in-fighting and some in Al Qaeda felt that bin Laden didn't give us infidels enough of a chance to convert to Islam before attacking. Many in Al Qaeda felt that it was wrong to kill thousands of us if we might come over to their side.

This fits perfectly with much of what we are seeing from him and his followers lately: audio and video recordings of bin Laden and Zawahari reaching out to us and saying that it is not too late to convert. Too late for what I have always wondered. According to CNN and several other sources, bin Laden and Zawahari have recently received a "blessing" from religious leaders around the Middle East to kill ten million Americans if we don't convert. This comes as no great shock to most of us, I suppose, as this is what their goal has seemingly always been. Of course, saying it and doing it are two different things. Can they do it? Or more importantly, can we trust Bush Co to protect us? Their track record so far gives me no hope so my answer to the last question is a resounding NO!

To answer the first question, though, one need only turn to the sale of 4 Agosta submarines, by the French (d'oh, not them again!) to Pakistan. Here is some information I found, on a naval technology site about these subs:

Three Agosta 90Bs were ordered by the Pakistan Navy in September 1994. The first, Khalid (S137), was built at DCN's Cherbourg yard and was commissioned in 1999. The second, Saad, assembled at Karachi Naval Dockyard, was launched in August 2002 and was commissioned in December 2003. The third, Hamza, which is being constructed and assembled in Karachi, is to launch before the end of 2006 and commission in 2007. Work on the vessel was halted following a terrorist attack in May 2002, which killed 11 French engineers in Karachi, but has since restarted. The third submarine is being fitted with the MESMA air independent propulsion system, which will be retrofitted to the first two. The MESMA AIP has successfully completed Pakistan Navy acceptance trials.

Pakistan has been given a license by DCN to offer commercial production of the submarines to potential customers.

Potential customers? Hmm....Oh, and by the way, all of these submarines are capable of carrying nuclear weapons. They are all currently in Karachi, Pakistan, a hotbed of anti-American sentiment and less than 100 miles from where Osama bin Laden and Ayman al Zawahari are supposedly hiding. I don't think it would be real difficult for a few hundred lunatics to take over one of these subs and launch an attack against us. Heck, they already tried it once! Why go to the trouble of smuggling in a suitcase bomb when you can stay near the comforts of home? Remember, too, that most Islamic extremists don't care if we launch a counter strike. They view this life as transitory and if a few hundred thousand innocent Muslims die...well, it is the way of Allah.....as long as several infidels also die.

Now, with all of this information I have just shared with you, how confident do YOU feel that our current leadership is on top of all of this? I guess I feel about as confident as them finding out who the anthrax killer was. Hey, by the way, whatever happened to that whole deal? Last I heard, the anthrax came from a military lab somewhere and then suddenly.....no stories anymore. And weren't all the letters containing the anthrax mailed to either Democrats or the "liberal" media? Hmmm....oh well, there I go again...I probably should just be a good little American, trust my government, and not think to hard. It might hurt.

Anyway, clearly what we are doing now is not working. None of it. We need new leaders. As in, right now. It's too bad we can't do a recall in the national election like they did in California. So I guess that leaves the 2006 midterms. It's up to all of you to look seriously at what each candidate is saying on how best to defend and fight for this country. To me, there is no other issue that is more important. We are talking about the future of our civilization here, people! And the same old, tired line about "cutting and running" or "fight em there so we don't have to fight em here" insults my intelligence. Can't Bush Co come up with something better than this drivel? How about a new plan for Iraq? Something that does not contain grade school level rhetoric and jingoistic fear.

We need smart, strong people who have one goal: protect our nation. I would begin with all seven of my "Profiles in Courage" subjects. They would be a good start. Can we please have a leader who really cares about unifying this world while at the same time is a bad ass mofo that can kick some serious tail?

So, my promise to all of you is to continue to provide you with information and talking points to help you understand what is going on. Don't completely take my word for it, however. Go out and see for yourself if what I am saying is true. If you think I am wrong, find a better way. A new way. Share it with me. There is certainly room for improvement in anything any one of us does.

Most importantly, don't be afraid. Arm yourself with knowledge and any apprehension you feel will slip away. These are dark, dark times my friends and all of us need to start talking.

And listening as well.

"If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy" -James Madison, 4th President of the United States and father of the Constitution.

Just The Facts (Part Two: Teach Your Children Well)

Last week, I layed out some facts regarding Iraq and the War on Terror for everyone to interpret. I reserved my own interpretations of last week's facts for two reasons. First, I wanted all of you to chime in and discuss the facts in comments so all of us could see how reality changes from person to person. Second, rather than do my usual tirade about Bush Co, I thought it would be fun if I waited until this week for all of you to see how I got the idea for "Just The Facts" and how my favorite new Neocon has interpreted them.

A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine named Ann (named changed for this column) subbed on my co -rec volleyball team. I think Ann is basically a good person at heart but when she says things like "Liberals are destroying this country," she loses me. We got to chatting about my future career as a teacher and she said to me, "You know, Mark, you better be careful about what opinions you give in class because you could get into trouble." I asked her what she meant.......exactly. She told me that I should just stick to the facts. No opinions. Just facts. I got to thinking about how interesting that might be so that's the real reason why I wrote last week's (and this week's) column. Ann, if you are reading this column, how were my facts from last week? You inspired me!

Anyway, I wanted to really try to cover just the basics. No interpretations or long tirades. Facts, only. After I read the facts as they sat there on my blog, particularly #2, I have to say that I got pretty angry. Again. And it's the same anger I have had for the last five years. To me, the facts speak for themselves.

I mean, people, c'mon! It has been five years and we still haven't caught the two men (left) most directly responsible for 9-11? And somehow Bush has the approval of over 50 percent of this country in his War on Terror? I don't get it. It's not just that the Democrats are weak, although that is a part of it.

Maybe the answer lies in how neocons think. Maybe if I really got into their head I could get an answer to this burning question and end my frustrations. That's what I figured last week, anyway, so I decided to ask my favorite new Neocon, Merrill, who I am sure can help us truly understand these simple facts.

Merrill is a regular at the gym I go to. She also works there part time. I've had the occasion to chat with her about many things. One day a while back, the subject of politics came up and I knew right then and there that I was in the presence of a proud Neocon. To her, President Bush was the savior of the United States. She could not understand for the life of her why people were so critical of him and why they were questioning our government. They were all traitors. After all, he was/is protecting our country! She, and her father (who she champions quite often) were both Marines. Anyone who is in the armed forces should be a Republican, she has said. Democrats have always been weak and appeasers. I had a ton of fun that first day we talked as I got to hear about: John Kerry the Traitor, Al Gore the weasel, and Clinton...well, he is the devil incarnate. As all of you can probably tell, Merrill will be a regular guest on Notes.....well, let's just say forever.

Last week, we got to talking about my facts that I posted on the blog. She did not like them. She, along with her father, felt that they were liberally slanted. I had her explain to me how this was so and she did. Here is what she said:

Fact #1: President Bush said the following four things last week: 1. The United States attacked Iraq because we believed they had WMDs. 2. It turns out they didn't. 3. Iraq was not responsible for 9-11. 4. If we leave Iraq, terrorists will gain control of all of the oil.

According to Merrill, Iraq had WMDs and our government is hiding it from us. This is to keep us from worry and to keep us safe. I have to admit I thought our government was hiding them too, at one point, although not for her reasons. I gave up on that theory when I realized how much Bush Co would benefit if it was true. The Democrats would not win an election for the next 50 years.

Merrill also believes that Iraq attacked us on 9-11, not Al Qaeda, and that's why we are at war. When I told her that Osama bin Laden admitted to the attacks, she refuted his importance and said that, like President Bush feels, bin Laden doesn't matter. She did agree that the last item mentioned was true and that, while she acknowledges that Bush said those things, it was actually the liberal media's coverage of the event that took it out of context. When I told her I was watching the whole thing live and that he did say those things and mean them, she said it was just my bias and should really not be so naive.

Fact #2: Osama bin Laden and Ayman Al Zawahari, as the heads of Al Qaida, are responsible for the 9-11 attacks. They are both still at large, hiding somewhere in the border region of Pakistan and Afghanistan.

At this point in the conversation, I finally got her to admit that bin Laden was a bad guy. She blamed Clinton for letting him get too big. When I informed her that several Republican senators, including Trent Lott and Bill Frist, criticized Clinton for bombing a bin Laden camp in 1998, she said that was a lie. And that I was biased. Since she had served in the Marines, she knew for a fact that our government was always on the trail of evil doers. We may not know it all the time but we should trust that they are after them and protecting us. .

Fact #3:American companies are making money in Iraq.

This fact didn't seem to bother her a wit. Capitalism, to her after all, was the best system in the world. She asked me if I was a communist because I had a problem with American companies making money in Iraq. I told her that I had a problem with financial gain which directly resulted in human suffering and death. She told me that the media likes to show only the bad things coming out of Iraq and not the good things so my information was suspect.

Fact #4: Roughly 2400 US Soldiers have lost their lives in Iraq. More have died outside of Iraq as the Armed Forces do not list deaths outside of Iraq, from wounds received in Iraq, as casualties. Fact #5: Tens of thousands of Iraqi citizens have lost their lives in this ongoing conflict. Many of them have been children.



While she did not doubt the number, she reiterated that the media focuses too much on death and not enough the positive things happening in Iraq. I asked her if she had seen any of the pictures from Iraq of the dead children. She has children herself and I guess I wondered if she felt anything at all for them. She just shrugged and said, "Well, that's war."

Then I tried a different tactic. I asked her if she was a Christian. She said she was a proud evangelical Christian. I asked her how Jesus would feel about the War in Iraq. She said she didn't know but she did know that our current leadership was filled with good, decent people who just want what is best for our country. They are all good Christians who have been much maligned by liberals and the media who all hate Jesus and want to destroy the United States.

I thought about my conversation with her for the rest of the day. I couldn't help but wonder what happened to her in her life to have such an enormous anti-information filter in place. Was it fear? Was it the unknown? One thing is for sure. For the first time, since I can remember, I did not yell at neocon and call them an idiot. I wanted to but in the end, I just felt profoundly sorry for her. Now, I know most of you will say that everyone is entitled to their opinion. That's fine, well and good but when her opinion begins to directly effect the welfare of my children by the policies put in place by the people she supports and votes for....well, then I am most definetly not going to leave her alone or any other neocon who goes to the polls with their heads filled with propaganda. I may not yell at them and call them stupid but I will gently remind them of the facts as I see them.

So, I guess my question for all of you is.....are these the facts I should be teaching kids when I start my career in two years? When children and teenagers ask me what happened, what facts do I present them with? The rose colored version of history according to Merrill or what actually has happened? Are my facts distorted?

I remember a conversations I had with Crabmaster not long after 9-11 in which he said that if Bush did not catch bin Laden by the 2004 elections, he would be one term president. That did not happen. Merrill helped me to understand why this did not happen. People believe what they need to believe regardless of the facts. We live in a world of perception, not reality, and that has never been more true than the last six years.

I think that, based on these facts, we are less safe against terrorism than we were before 9-11. We are less safe under Bush and there is no doubt in my mind of this.The people that are running our country, through their myopic greed for wealth and power, have allowed this to happen. We have taken our eye off the ball and those of you out there who disagree with me have the luxury, if I am right, of not having a country left with which to say, "I told you so" when the real shit comes down.

What that real shit is and when it is coming down will be in my next column. This column will be posted on Sept 11, 2006. I am working on a "5th Anniversary of the 9-11 attacks" piece and I want to take my time with it so there will not be a new column until that time. This day also marks the 5th Anniversary of Notes From The Front so I really want to make it a big deal.

Tell your friends and stay tuned!!

Just The Facts (Part One: You Decide)

There has been much talk of late, both on this blog and in conversations with people in my life, that I seem to have difficulty with facts. My emotional vitriol carries me away from the "truth," whatever that is, and my critical comments towards Bush Co are just opinions in the end. Nothing more. No basis in factdom at all. In other words, my personal bias puts my writing in such a position that it is not objective and has no basis in reality.

I think that the people that say that are full of shit.

Sorry. But it is their ignorance of the facts that got us into this mess in the first place. And I think that they are, quite simply, sore losers who can't admit when they are wrong.

When it comes to any discussion of facts, many of the posts left on this blog and the conversations I have with conservatives make me fall out of my chair with laughter. Why? Because their defense of the criminals that are running our country contains the exact same rhetoric that liberals use to defend rapists and murders. "He didn't mean it that way" or "He's getting a bum rap" or "It's just an opinion" are the excuses that are thrown out constantly in light of the obvious crimes committed by this administration. Hey, neocons! How does it feel to sound just like those "lily-livered liberals" being soft on crime and all?" Hee Hee...

Essentially, their biased interpretation of any fact presented to them is what really renders any sort of information questionable. And that's really their goal, isn't it? If we, as a nation are constantly questioning information, then how do we know where the truth really lies? And, in our attention deficit disorder country, will people take the time to find out if President Bush did indeed break the law when he authorized the NSA to wiretap phones?

I am constantly astounded by conservatives' perceptions of facts in our world. I continually ask myself how much farther can Bush Co go and still have the support of 30 percent of this country? I think Bush Co asks themselves the same question everyday and pushes the envelope little bit further.

So this week I decided to stick to some facts and then let all of you interpret them in the comments section below. For those of you that don't feel like contributing, that's cool. Sit back and marvel at the unreality you will see unspool before your eyes. And speaking of unreality, next week, in Part Two of Just the Facts, I will give my interpretation of facts as seen through the eyes of two conservatives, something I thought would be quite enjoyable for all of you folks. Don't forget to bring the kids!

Alright, so, these are facts as presented to us by the powers that be. They may not be entirely accurate, conspiracy theories aside, but I figured for the purpose of this column we should just stick to the hard information we are given every day. Remember, my point in doing this exercise is that, in my opinion (whoops!, sorry), there are no such things as facts any more in this country. Spin is the word of the day and anyone can interpret anything and make it their own, regardless of reality. Let's see if you feel the same way.

Fact #1
In yesterday's press conference President Bush said the following four things:

1. The United States attacked Iraq because we believed they had WMDs.
2. It turns out they didn't.
3. Iraq was not responsible for 9-11.
4. If we leave Iraq, terrorists will gain control of all of the oil.

Fact #2
Osama bin Laden and Ayman Al Zawahari, as the heads of Al Qaida, are responsible for the 9-11 attacks. They are both still at large, hiding somewhere in the border region of Pakistan and Afghanistan.

Fact #3
American companies are making money in Iraq.

Fact #4
Roughly 2400 US Soldiers have lost their lives in Iraq. More have died outside of Iraq as the Armed Forces do not list deaths outside of Iraq, from wounds received in Iraq, as casualties.

Fact #5
Tens of thousands of Iraqi citizens have lost their lives in this ongoing conflict. Many of them have been children.



OK. So there they are. The facts in all their glory. What does it all mean?

You decide. Leave your interpretations by clicking on the word "Comments" below.

The Left Lane

I thought I would take a small break from politics and talk about a topic that we all know and love: driving.

It's bad enough that we here in Minnesota have to deal with our two seasons of road construction and road construction. In addition, we seem to have developed a new form of idiot on our avenues: the road speed monitor. Recently, I was traveling west on Highway 3 (Excelsior Blvd). For the ninety nine thousdandth time, the person traveling directly in front of me (always miraculously taking the exact same route I am ) was annoyingly going ten miles under the speed limit (35 in a 45). When I finally could pass him, I did, and he started honking his horn spastically and pulled up to me at the next light. "Slow Down," he yelled. "Go the speed limit, at least, you oafish Minnesotan driving buffoon!!," I yelled back. Ok, I just said the first part but I was thinking the rest.

Minnesota has the worst drivers in the history of the world. Most people in this state ARE slow-witted, oafish buffoons and I really want to hurt them. I am not a violent man but the desire to inflict a large amount of pain on fellow drivers occurs to me when I see the unbearably common practice on our highways of slowing down to....GAWK AT OTHER CARS SLOWING DOWN!!!!! ARGH!!!! And, of course, the ever increasing amounts of traffic usually lends itself to further drive the collective blood pressures of the citizens of the seven county metro area through the roof.

There is one thing, however, that I can no longer tolerate in regards to the fine art of motoring. I want it to end. I need it to end and I hope that, beginning with this column, all of you readers will begin to help me stop it. We all know what it is. We see it everyday.

People driving in the left lane, at a slow pace, when they are not passing.

Just typing the last sentence made my blood pressure go up 10 points. All of you know how much I loathe the current administration. You have seen and heard me rant about it endlessly. How much I despise Bush Co is but a small thimble full of hate compared to how I feel about all of those fucking cock-sucking shit asses who drive their cars in the left lane when they are not passing.




(Side rant: Yeah, that's right. I call them CARS not vehicles. People who call their cars "vehicles" are fucking douchebags. What's with all the fancy smancy words and shit? It's a fucking car...leave it at that.)

The fact that driving in the left lane has created a cute name in this state....The Minnesota Wedge...makes it even more irritating. I have spent time asking people about this and, while many express frustration, others laugh about it or even defend it. There is no laughing or defending this shit. It is completely and utterly inexcusable . People that drive in the left lane at a slow pace, and not passing, should be put in jail. 30 days minimum.

More than one time I have asked someone why people use the left lane on our highways for something other than passing and they have said the following:

"Well...hee hee....we all like to drive together here in Minnesota!"

I hear this and well....hee hee....in my mind, the following happens....

Mark moves quickly to garage to retrieve shovel. He walks back to the fucking suckditch that just made that comment. He swings said shovel, Albert Pujols like, smacking the fucking suckditch in the face.

Of course, this is highly illegal and I would never actually do this....probably.....mostly.....more than likely I would not hit anyone in the face with a shovel. Even if they have no fucking clue how to drive a car.

Now, being a stay at home dad, I probably don't drive as much as y'all but here is one, small, simple, non-violent solution. Go to your document creation program on your computer. Print out one page, in Times New Roman Size 60 that says:

SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT

And when you see someone driving at a slow pace in the left lane, pull up next to them, honk your horn and hold up your sign proudly. Maybe we can start a trend or even a phenomenon. Think of it. Our state will become like I-94 in Wisconsin with the left lane clear and free as far as the eye can see.......unless, of course, their are any Minnesotans traveling through.

So, please, help me. I don't ask for much and God knows I give you all so much joy and happiness with my weekly columns. Stop this outrage from continuing.

Clear out our left lanes!!!

Bad Samaritans

Do you know who are the most evil people on the planet? The most vile, scum sucking piles of vermin ever ? The largest incompetent collection of assholes currently holding public office?

THE DEMOCRATS.


Yes, that's right folks, I said it. The Democrats are the biggest bunch of criminals I have ever seen.

No, you haven't entered an alternated reality in which Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt stayed together, Star Trek is still on TV, and Mark is a Republican. I still despise what the conservatives have done to our country in the last five years and always will. This week, however, I thought I would take a look at what the Democrats have done to combat this rise in corruption and systematic destruction of our country. Here is what they have done:









And that just about sums it up. The Democrats have stood idly by while the worst government in the history of our country has set us on a path that can only end with heartache, pain, and destruction. They have allowed these incompetent, psychotic cretins to run rampant...tearing away any vestiges of the Constitution and this great Republic of ours. In my mind, the Democrats are just as guilty as the Republicans.

Why? Has anyone out there heard of the good samaritan laws that many states have on the books? In case you don't know, basically the law is if Steve is witnessing Joe beat up Jim and does nothing, then Steve can go to prison for failure to assist Jim. So, in my mind, the Democrats are Steve, the Republicans are Joe, and we are all Jim (and have been for the last five years).

My mind and heart are sick about this callous group of ineffective nincompoops (left) that deign to call themselves minority "leaders." The sad thing is that they aren't even followers, with the possible exception of Joe Lieberman (who was last seen gently tonguing Dick Cheney's taint). The Democrats today are bystanders...content to wait out the problems we are currently having in the hopes of voter backlash bringing power back to their side of the table. They moan on and on about having a "plan" but, really, their "plan" is a bunch of rhetoric that says:

Hi. I am a pussy. I don't have the balls to stand up to the biggest group of shitbags to ever run this country. Instead, I am going to make some noise over here that sounds vaguely like a cross between a bowl ringer and a silent-but-deadly...slightly loud and yet strangely quiet....almost unheard.

And, of course, if any Democrat like Russ Feingold or Paul Hackett starts to actually show some balls for once......well, they are made to look like fools. Make no mistake about it: Chuck Schumer, Hillary Clinton, and Harry Reid are just like George Bush, Dick Cheney, and Denny Hastert....they are using their power to manipulate us and gain more power.

Well, there I go again bitching and not offering a solution. So, let me go this way. I would first refer all Democrats to my column entitled, "Five Ways Democrats Can Grow Balls." The next step after that would be to come up with some fresh ideas on how to get this country going again. They (and we) need to Jack Kennedy up this motherfucker right quick and show the right what the word "vision" truly means.

Another recent, classic excuse from the left is that they "don't have any real power so what can they do?" What the??!!?? So what if they are in the minority....at least do something. Take to the airwaves and start saying things like: George Bush and Dick Cheney are guilty of the negligent homicide of 2300 of our armed forces. That will get people's attention.

If people call them on their Iraq War vote, if they voted yes, then they should admit they were wrong and move on. Message to Democrats: Don't blame Bush for the fact that you were too timid to vote how you REALLY felt. You were a pussy. Now you need to be a fucking man about it and start getting this country back in shape, bitch. Stop lying your ass off everyday like our President does and speak the truth. Don't sabotage the elections of potential candidates who are blunt and do speak the truth (i.e. Paul Hackett). People will respect you for it.

Tell the people of this country that we are totally fucked right now. Tell them that we need to vastly changed the way we think, the way we feel, and the way we conduct ourselves in the world. Stop hiding in the corner like timid little twits and actually do something, for crying out loud.!!!

Now get going before you really start to piss me off.

Profiles In Courage Volume Seven: The Cross and The Sword

There are people in this world that, quite simply, make me proud to be a human being. Yesterday I read an article in the New York Times about such a person and I thought I would share it with all of you. This story is especially sweet for me and most of my readers as it takes place here in Minnesota.

It is about a man....a man of the cloth named Gregory A. Boyd.

Greg Boyd (left) is the minister at Woodland Hills Church in Maplewood, Minnesota. Reverend Boyd founded the church in 1992 with 40 members and over the years its congregation grew to 5000 people. Reverend Boyd has degrees from Yale Divinity School and has taught theology classes at Bethel College in St. Paul.

He is best known, amongst many evangelical Christians, for his book, Letters From A Skeptic. The book shares written conversations with his agnostic father who Boyd eventually converted to Christianity.

A few years back, he attended a megachurch's worship service on the 4th of July. At the end of the service, everyone sang "God Bless America" while a video was shown of fighter jets flying over crosses. He became troubled at the thought of military displays juxtaposed with Christian images and he began to speak out about it.

He gave a series of sermons that proclaimed, among other things, that America is not a Christian nation, theocracies are very dangerous, politics of any kind has no place in a church, and that patriotism should not be confused with Jesus Christ. He spoke of the need for the separation of church and state, that Jesus (not America) was the light of the world, and (this is the one that really pissed people off) good Christians should strive to win people's hearts not force their point of view on them.

Huh. Imagine that.

Well, guess what happened next? Hundreds of "Christians" started firing back at the good Reverend, claiming that any true believer would vote Republican and allow anti-abortion and anti-gay marriage leaflets to be handed out during church services. The outrage was particularity prevalent during the 2004 presidential campaign. Reverend Boyd responded by calling them hypocrites obsessed by sex and the right to fervently display their faith in public...two things Jesus would never have been concerned with at all.

In the end, about a thousand people left his church. Most of them were white, middle to upper class suburbanites who felt that Boyd was a traitor to Christianity. Since that time, Woodland Hills Church has welcomed many other ethnic groups such as African-Americans, Hispanics and Hmong immigrants from Laos. If you ask Reverend Boyd, that's just how it should be. Looking back he says, “I don’t regret any aspect of it at all. It was a defining moment for us. We let go of something we were never called to be. "

I was given much hope after reading this story. Most of you know that I have a real problem with the majority of evangelical Christians. Their unholy alliance with conservatives in this country has created an environment where if you are a "real" American, you HAVE to be a Christian. And if you are true Christian, you have to love America because the United States has the corner market on Jesus and what He wants for the world.

I take heart in the fact that this wonderful man has stood up to this and said no. No. This is not Jesus Christ. This is not him. He does not speak of the sanctity of life while bombing the shit out people half a world away. He does not want to "conquer" people but serve people. He wants to welcome and love everyone not disclude and hate people who are different.

I can now breath a little easier at night knowing that I have an ally in my struggle to educate the uninformed. Reverend Boyd, you are a man of true courage and I thank you very, very much.

With God On Our Side

Last week, President George W. Bush finally exercised one of his most potent weapons. No, I am not talking about his keen intellect. Nor I am talking about his nose for "evil doers." I am talking about his presidential power to veto. For the first time in his presidency (many were quietly wondering if he would ever have the nuts to do it), he vetoed legislation, sent to him by the Republican controlled Congress, that would have continue to allow federally funded stem cell research.

Now, what this means is that private research will still continue. So, if you have loads of extra money laying around (i.e. Bush Co. gulf buddies), then you will get the benefit from the research. If, however, you are an average citizen like myself or a Federal employee, like a member of the Armed Forces for example, chances are you will not see any potential benefits from this research.

I didn't think it was possible for our President to cup the collective balls of the religious right MORE than he already has done in the past but I guess he has proved me wrong again. The fact that he is pandering to these Cro-Magnon simplistics makes me want to horke up my intestinal fluid. I mean, do we really want this country to return to those glorious times of leech bleeding and witch burning? Oh, wait. We are already there, thanks to fuckstick!


To our left we see our President announcing his veto in front of the world with all of those babies that were "saved" because stem cell research was not allowed.

"These boys and girls are not spare parts," the president said in a speech that was interrupted repeatedly by hoots of applause, and twice by standing ovations. "They remind us of what is lost when embryos are destroyed in the name of research."

Huh. That's interesting that he cares so much for the sanctity of a cell that is no larger than a grammatical period but yet.......not really all that concerned about the boys and girls who have lost their lives in Iraq. Or how about the ones that are alive and lost the "parts" they already had? What a dick....

First of all, a cell is not a "boy" or "girl." A cell is an organism that eventually grows into life. We have cells that fall off our body everyday when we shed skin. These stem cells in question are thrown away anyway so what difference does it make?

Two thirds of this country supports the federal funding of stem cell research. There are millions of people who could benefit medically from this research and yet we are allowing a minority of narrow minded people decide whether or not we can cure Alzeimers? Or cancer?

People always talk about democracy working but it has really failed us here thanks to these assholes who have once again moved us back on the evolutionary scale. And they got a double victory this week. Thank the Lord that the House managed to block federal courts from ruling on the Pledge of Allegiance so the "Under God" portion of the pledge will remain in place.

I, for one, will sleep better knowing that my children will have religion forced on them in a public school. It's a good thing because we all know that God is all about forcing people to do things. It's important to note that God is not about all that pussy shit like love, kindness and doing unto others....he is about punishment and smiting all those who are against him.

Alright, well that's enough of the digressive sarcasm. I am sure you are all sick of it by now. But while we are on the subject of God, this whole stem cell thing made me think. The main reason why the religious right is against this is because they feel we are tampering with God's work. I don't get it. If God created us in his image and we are all his children, doesn't God, as the almighty Father, want his kids to grow into something that is greater than He?

I am a parent and would love it if both of my kids became geneticists, doctors, or biologists. It would certainly beat out, by leaps and bounds, what I have done with my pathetic excuse of a career. Wouldn't God be overwhelmed with pride now, as he sees us progressing to the point of being able to manipulate life?

I think SHE would!!

American Tears

One night, a week or two ago, my kids and I were visiting my friend Kate's house. She is a mom, just like me, and has three kids of her own. My kids and her kids started fighting. I know it sounds shocking that five kids, age range of 3-9, would actually have conflicts but they do....and this one was about that age old fear....COOTIES! My son yelled, "You have girl cooties," to which my daughter replied, "You have boy cooties," and the others chimed in with a cootie tag festival. They then tried to touch my friend Kate with their "cooties" and she told them to stop teasing each other. She then muttered something under her breath about "John Smith" germs.

This, of course, was not his real name...for the benefit of this column I have changed it. I figured John Smith is as good an all American name as any and this IS an American story. I asked her who "John Smith" was and she told me. He was a kid in her class at school back in the small town where she grew up.

From day one, John Smith did not fit in at school. He was the weird little kid that everyone picked on. Also from day one, Kate, being the compassionate person that she is, would defend him. She always stepped in between John and the latest bully who was picking on him. As she has always said, "I love the underdog!" Anyway, the term "John Smith" germs became the talk of the school and anything that was unappealing or disgusting in life was dubbed John Smith related.

Kate didn't know much about John's home life but more than likely, she remembers, his parents were not very loving and thought he was weird too. She recalled that he just had that look in his eye that he was abused, ignored and unloved. As John grew older, he was ridiculed more and more. His personality, at this critical stage of his human development, became more and more desperate as he got older.

If he dropped his schoolbooks and a girl helped pick them up, he would say that he loved her and he would follow her around like a beaten puppy. The girl would then usually freak out and run away.....adding to John's extreme sense of isolation. After graduation, John moved to Minneapolis and no one really heard about him until their 10 year high school reunion.

The day of that reunion, someone in Kate's class heard that John just died at the age of 28. He had AIDS.

As Kate was telling me this story, I began to imagine myself being ostracized my entire life...never knowing love, support, or kindness from anyone. I could see how someone like John, never truly understanding emotional relations, would mistake someone's/anyone's sexual advances as love. I imagined a lonely person seeking out and inviting this mistaken compassion from scummy people only to have this perpetual quest end with the ultimate price: his life.

I started to cry at the table as she related the rest of the details to me. Maybe I was tired from my chronic lack of sleep lately but I could really feel what he went through. Kate looked at me and said, "Why are crying? You didn't even know him." I realized in the moment that she asked me why I was crying. I knew him very well because there was and is a part of me, even with all the support and love I have in my life, that is just like him. We are all John Smith. And we are all responsible for his death.

And then the thought that came to me after that made me truly understand why our country is so fucked up, which is, in essence, the point I have been trying to make since I started the blog. Who we are and who we become starts with our family and with our first community. While there are several communities that are filled with decent people, many have ignorant, spiteful people that can't understand the damage that are inflicting on their fellow citizens.

This is why I get upset about things like...my daughter being told, by conservative friends, that she can't play with the neighbor's girl because they are gay (aka evil and dirty). This is why I get upset when I hear Sean Hannity and others like him say that AIDS is God's wrath. This is why I get fucking pissed off to high heaven that our Secretary of Education, Margaret Spellings, put pressure on PBS to NOT air a children's cartoon which showed a child with two mommies.

Can anyone out there understand that this is completely unacceptable and not something that we can just chalk up to a "difference of opinion?" These attitudes are part of the perpetuation of ignorance and fear that will ultimately lead to more difficulties in life for the children we need to nuture. It is something that has increased, not decreased, in the last five years. Gee, land-a-goshin, I wonder why?

Now, I do not mean to say that my friend Kate's hometown is evil. Certainly time has changed people's attitudes there and they have become more tolerant and giving. They and we still, however, have a long way to go. Our country...our communities are at a critical point in our country's history and we have a choice: we can either continue on the path of intolerance and produce more John Smiths of the world or we can learn to love each other, regardless of our oddities or faults and follow the morality of Jesus Christ.

I know that people roll their eyes when someone says, "It takes a village," due to the person who said it but she was (and still is) 100 percent accurate. More people need to think this way and start helping people out. It takes a village of tolerant people as well. Several of you will remark callously that I should be tolerant of other people's views (i.e. conservative views). People can think however they want...as long as they mind their own business. When they start pushing their intolerance like a junkie pushing rock in the Farmington part of Los Angeles and when they start leading our country with that intolerance...forcing their agenda on us...well, they should not be allowed in the fucking village as far as I am concerned.

More importantly, if your children are teasing someone or if you hear about something like this at a school or anywhere, speak up, put a stop to it, and, if you can, severely discipline those involved. If it is a situation with adults, ask the person who is doing the teasing why they are so unhappy. Maybe it will get them to stop and think and maybe you can help them.

Start with your kids. Or your friend's kids. I will start with mine. Teach them to be tolerant and to educate those that are intolerant. Maybe we can spare ourselves any more timelines in which the John Smith story happens again.

Let's hope.

The FINAL Word

Ok. That's it. I have had it. I have just received the final straw, via yet another dumb ass email from a NCD, that has broken this camel's back. I can't take it anymore and I am putting this subject to rest once and for all. So here it is:

The media is not liberal.

Once again, for the red states, THE MEDIA IS NOT LIBERAL!!!

Between the emails that I receive everyday and posts on this blog, there are some people that need some serious education in regards to their completely ignorant view of the media and so, after devoting a line or quip here and there, it's time I showed these folks what they probably don't know or refuse to see.

How am I going to do this? First, let's define media. Well, most people watch television and listen to the radio. This country has decided, in the last five and a half years, that reading is for fags so I am leaving the New York Times etc. out of this conversation except to say that I laugh my fucking ass off when a NCD spouts off about the evil, liberal New York Times...Especially after Judith Miller went to jail for Dick Cheney, they sat on the NSA wiretaps story for a year, they constantly run "warm, fuzzy stories" about President Bush (like the one last week about his 60th birthday), and they negotiated, along with the Washington Post and Wall Street Journal, with Bush Co for weeks on how to "release" the information about the government gaining access to private citizens financial transactions. God, what a bunch of commies!

Really, though, most Americans watch TV so let's take a look at the major news outlets. Fox News is owned by News Corp which is owned by Rupert Murdoch (left). He is a very conservative man who gives millions of dollars to conservative causes. So, I think we can all agree that he is not liberal.

Next we have CNN which is owned by Time Warner, which owns scores of film, music, and publishing companies. Hmm, giant corporate conglomerate....will they support the Democrats, who will not give them any tax breaks and actually take money away from them or the Republicans who will give them tax breaks and look the other way in any.....Questionable business decisions? My guess is the latter....so CNN is not a liberal, commie, anti-American pile of hogwash.

NBC/MSNBC is majority owned by General Electric. Here is a picture (left) of their CEO, Jeffrery Immelt. According to files from the Federal Election Commission Mr Immelt has made several large donations to the Republican Party over the years. He has made none to the Democratic Party.

They have a home in Connecticut that is worth several million dollars and host Republican fundraisers there on a regular basis. The CEO before Immelt was Jack Welch, best pal and golf buddy of George H.W. Bush.



ABC is owned by Disney Company. The CEO there is Robert Iger. Here is a picture of him (left). I think that the rule that applied for Time Warner applies here. Disney makes billions of dollars worldwide. Why would they seek to put out information, through ABC News, that would ultimately be harmful to their bottom line?

To me, Disney is the ultimate form of capitalism. They sell you the same movie over and over again...VHS, DVD, DVD-HD.....Because they know that your kids have you by the balls. Are you really going to deny them the latest Pixar DVD?

So, this corporate giant has a vested interest in keeping things status quo.

And now we come to the NCDs favorite whipping boy....CBS. Ah, Dan Rather. The butt of every joke in the conservative locker room. Funny, though, I despise Dan Rather too, not for his supposed liberalness, but because 40 years on the man is still suffering from the delusion, based solely on the conviction of his own vanity, that Oswald was the lone assassin against Kennedy.

It might interest all of you to know that CBS is owned by Viacom, another giant corporate conglomerate, which was run, until recently by this man (left)....Sumner Redstone. Viacom is now run by Tom Freston but Mr. Redstone is still the Chairman of the Board. His estimated net worth is 7.7 billion dollars. He contributed large quantities of cash to the Bush campaign in 2000 and 2004 and is a staunch conservative, attending several Republican events and fundraisers. He has never donated any money to Democratic election campaigns or causes.

So, let's take a look at these men and the companies they run. You tell me, does this group of ridiculously rich, white men look like the liberal kooks that the right makes them out to be? Do you honestly think that these men would do anything to harm their bottom line? Do they look like they are going to be out giving out welfare checks to a mom with 7 kids on crack? Or do they look like President Bush might run into them by on Hole #4?

I think that the NCDs have developed a very clever strategy of putting out large quantities of propaganda and disinformation that would make George Orwell proud It is designed to make people believe that everything on the news is a lie. Then, the people will turn to the government for all of the "correct" information and the zombie idiot making machine rolls merrily along.

And as far as radio is concerned, don't even talk to me about anything even remotely liberal on the radio. Air America's reach, while getting stronger, is nothing compared to the plaque that is infecting most rural areas of our country. The fact is that if you live in a remote area, the only radio, other than the shit kicker FM station, is Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, or Laura Ingraham. Those stations are all owned by Clear Channel Communications, another corporate conglomerate, which is just to the right of Adolph Hitler, politically speaking.

Much of this information I have discussed here is detailed in the wonderful film, Orwell Rolls In His Grave. The film details that much of the media is just a subsidiary of Corporate America. Their agenda is not liberal but to make money. Complicated stories of corporate involvement in the run-up to the Iraq War, scandals involving rich white buddies of the ones picture above, serious abuses of power, and stark tragedies never make the news because stories of abducted white women and black men robbing convenient stores are considered popular.

I used to laugh at the absurdity of the Jerry Springer show and now, the same general themes and attitude are on every single newscast and cable news station on a nightly basis. The film also examines, among other things, the shocking revelations that two children of the Supreme Court justices, who voted that George Bush won the election in 2000, later got jobs in the Bush administration.

A review from Amazon. com states that "the film states, in very plain detail, that the U.S. media is an ANTI-democratic force, a weapon of "doublespeak,", a subsidiary of corporate America which shapes and determines the legality, constitutionality, and 'facts' of democratically newsworthy events and issues from official, inside sources, instead of(and quite OPPOSED TO, in fact) true journalism, or even any vague sense of it."

So, the next time same moron comes at you with their "liberal" media garbage, ask them if they know who owns the media. Point out the details I have listed above and urge them to watch the movie, Orwell Rolls In His Grave.

Or you can just chuckle and walk away knowing what is really going on with those lying, liberal bastards on the news!

GRAB BAG VOLUME 4

Sorry about the "no column" last week. I am working on a column about the "liberal" media and it is slow in coming. So rather than throw out a half ass piece, I thought I would work on it some more and, in the meantime, do another Grab Bag.



SOOOOOOOOO WRONG
There seems to be a pattern lately of people coming up to me and telling me how badly they feel about voting for Bush Co in 2004. This is also true of people in the media, including Doug McIntyre the morning man on KABC. He wrote an extremely long apology recently on how deeply sorry he is for supporting Bush. In the letter, he called Bush "the worst two-term President in the history of the country. Worse than Grant. I also believe a case can be made that he is the worst President, period." Huh. Well, that's news to me! I wonder how long I will have to wait for apologies from just-Dave, Crabmaster, and my Uncle Bill? I think when the first ice flow is sighted in hell....

You can read the full apology here. And speaking of our president....

COURT TO BUSH: NO!
Hey, maybe the systems of checks and balances does work. The Supreme Court ruled, 5-3, this week that the Bush administration could not conduct prosecution of Gitmo prisoners the way they have been. Aw, shucks, I guess torturing the shit out of people is out now. Too bad..because I was hoping we would become even MORE like the animals we are trying to stop.

Oh well, back to the fucking drawing board!




MY FAVORITE GOVERNOR
Governor Tim Pawlenty gave a speech at the Republican State Convention when he accepted his party's nomination. He said the following:

I can tell you what your worst nightmare is. It's one of the big-spending, tax raisin, abortion promotin', gay marriage embracin', more welfare without accountability lovin', school reform resistin', illegal immigration-supportin' Democrats for governor who believe that Hillary Clinton should be president of the United States.

Huh. It's a good thing that conservatives aren't into fear mongering at all. And big spending? How can he say that with a straight face after the last six years of drunken frat boy-with daddy's-credit card spending that this administration has done?

CHRISTIANITY UPDATE
Hey, did everyone hear? Guns are cool now at church. Especially when a convicted felon is bringing them along! Grace Church in Eden Prairie, Minnesota recently co-sponsored an event along with AM 1280 (The Patriot) to salute our veterans with Oliver North as their speaker. Hmmm...nothing shows more respect to our veterans than having as your guest speaker a man who was convicted on three federal counts....after pleading it down from sixteen. I guess morals and family values are pretty high over there at Grace Church.

And a 21 gun salute at a church? When I think of Jesus Christ, the first image that comes to my mind is a large collection of guns. Yeah, that's what he was all about.

Oh, and if you visit their web site you can sign a petition to help people to know the "truth" about that direct-from-satan book, The Da Vinci Code.




ANN COULTER: FELON?
Could it be true? Did the Queen Bitch of the Universe break the law? Apparently, Ann Coulter violated the law when she illegally voted in the wrong district in Florida in a special election in earlier this year. In Florida, that is felony and now she is currently under investigation for what some witnesses have called a "bizarre" incident involving her usage of her real estate agent's address as her own address.

Nothing would please me more to see this sad excuse for a human being serving as Big Bertha's cigarette bitch in Cell Block D. Her delusional support of Bush Co goes way beyond mentally challenged...driving her to say things like the widows of the 9/11 victims, in their criticism of the Bush Administration's piss-poor terror attack preparedness, were just after the limelight and were pawns of liberalism. I don't use this word often but Ann Coulter is a cunt. We need to completely and utterly ignore her until the end of time.




THE END TIMES
According to the Family Research Council, several Fortune 500 companies have tolerant policies towards gay people. Gasp! In addition to the horrendous transgression of actually hiring gay people, these companies, which include our very own Wells Fargo and Target Corporation, allow domestic "partners" to be included in benefits packages. The Council is calling for boycotts of these companies to show support for employees with "real" families.

I find it interesting that an organization that calls itself The Family Research Council has no understanding at all about what being a family actually means and needs to do some research itself. Tony Perkins, President of the Organization, can start by googling the words "Compassion" and "Jesus Christ." In addition, perhaps they should MIND THEIR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS!!!

THE BEST BLOG EVER, DUDE
In closing, I can't say enough good things about my friend Pete's music blog. It just keeps getting better and better. If you love music as much as I do, make it a regular surfing stop. You can find it here.

Well, that's all for this week, kids. How about you? Anything in your grab bag? Leave a comment below

Don't Get Your Gay On Me!!

In the last two weeks, the Republican leadership in Congress has decided to tackle three extraordinarily pivotal issues, the outcome of which could determine our very fate as a nation. So important are these issues that the Senate Majority Leader, Bill Frist, the one who sets the agenda in Congress, has said that he will not excuse the Senate until they solve these three problems!!!
They are:

1. Estate Tax. (aka the Paris Hilton law)
2. Flag Burning (an oldie but a goodie)
3. Gay Marriage.

If anyone wants to spend time on the first two items, feel free to leave your comments about these earth shattering issues in the comments section below. I, however, will be talking about that ol' favorite of faves....top of the pops issue on the mind of conservative lawmakers....gay people's personal lives!!

Let's hear it for that old hit from 2004 because, as we all know, conservatives across the country are shitting themselves at the thought of losing in November because the president they blindly supported is moronically incompetent and people are finally starting to wake up to that fact. And what better issue to dangle, carrot like, in front of their frustrated conservative base.

Before we go any further, let's take a look at some facts. Gay marriage is against the law in this country on both a federal and state level. Let me repeat myself because I am sure 29 percent of you didn't understand me the first time. Gay marriage is illegal in this country. So why does our government want to add an amendment to the Constitution stating the marriage is between one man and one women?

Because activist judges (aka judges who actually read the Constitution and understand what discrimination means) could allow these "people" to be married and, by gum, the Conservatives in Congress NEED to add a "double, anti-faggot, secret protection" law to the Constitution.

Interestingly, the chief sponsor of the marriage amendment, Wayne Allard, Republican Senator from Colorado, see here in this picture at left, seems to have....um...well....a male lover of his own. I am not sure who this person is to Mr. Allard's right but the look on his face reveals his innermost passions.

Do Bill Frist, Wayne Allard and the other cronies in Congress realize that: a) our country is at war, b) people are dying the war because our leaders are myopic and incompetent, c) 40 million people do not have health care in this country, d) hurricane season is upon us and we might want to start planning now, and e) there are terrorists that want to detonate a nuclear bomb in this country?

I guess not. Because the institution of marriage is under attack by sinners. Well, one sinner happens to be the daughter of Vice President Cheney. Mary Cheney was recently on CNN's The Situation Room talking about her new book, Now It's My Turn : A Daughter's Chronicle of Political Life. Ms. Cheney stated that Bill Frist is just plain wrong. The discrimination that is going on against homosexuals is akin to what happened 40 years ago with interracial marriage. The Republican Party is behind the times and if they want to survive they need to stop treating gay people like 3/5 ths of a person.

I believe they need to go one step further. Conservatives need to "know" gay people. People in this country are woefully ignorant of gay people and what they are really like. I know several gay people and count at least a half dozen among my closest friends. Sadly, it seems that the media, supposedly rife with homosexuals, is part of the problem as well.

Earlier this year, a show called "Welcome to the Neighborhood," produced by ABC was shelved because the subject matter was deemed too controversial. The reality show told the story of a gay couple, with adopted son in tow, moving in to a conservative neighborhood. As the show progressed, several neighbors gave testimonials about how their bias changed in time as they got to know the gay couple. In other words, they went from slinging homophobic barbs to feeling regret at their sub-human behavior.

It played out, in my mind, in the same way our country could begin to embrace gay people as intregal parts of our society. ABC really missed the boat here but, hey, that's the "liberal" media for you!!

Maybe what our country needs is a program similar to the Netherlands. In order to become a citizen in Holland, each prospect must view a series of images which reflect everyday life in the country. Several photos and videos include men having sex with men and women having sex with women. The idea here is to root out people, in this case Islamists, who go berserk and start shooting people due to offense taken at homosexual acts. If candidates are offended, they are asked to withdraw their application for membership.

Imagine, if you will, Markadelphia armed with photos and videos of gay men and women....maybe not having sex (too personal) but, say, paying their mortgage while holding hands. Or reading to their children. Or (gasp) mowing their lawn with a large gas powered implement! Ah, yes, I can hear the cries of discontent screaming from the right already.

Bringing this down to a personal level, the other day when I dropped my daughter of at school I saw a 700 Club bumper sticker on a parent's car that said "Marriage= (male symbol) + (female symbol) ." My first reaction was to have a little chat with the fucking idiot who was driving that car (I restrained myself.) Why? Because my daughter, who can read and understand symbols, asked me about it. She wanted to know why my wife and I were "married" and our neighbors, Carrie and Ann, who have two children were not "married." Why can't two women or two men be married, she asked?

Taking my wife's advice, which is to never lie to my children, I told her it was because people in this country are ignorant and they haven't advanced along enough on the evolutionary ladder to understand that we are all equal in the eyes of God.

After I told her all of this she was quiet for a minute or so and then said (completely true, btw),"Well, maybe if they just read the Bible and learn about how Jesus loves everyone no matter what then they wouldn't be so angry."

Pearls of wisdom from the future of our country.

The Last Human Being

Last week US Armed Forces targeted and killed the self proclaimed leader of Al Qaeda in Iraq, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. My initial reaction was one of great relief that such a high profile terrorist finally met his end. He has been responsible for many, many deaths of US soldiers, Iraqi citizens and scores of other people in Iraq. His hideous decapitation of Nic Berg, a private contractor in Iraq, was truly despicable. So, this was a good thing, right?

I remember the whole Nic Berg thing and how truly horrible it was. So when I saw an interview with his dad, Michael Berg (below) I decided to give the article a read. Here is the interview:

O'BRIEN: Mr. Berg, thank you for talking with us again. It's nice to have an opportunity to talk to you. Of course, I'm curious to know your reaction, as it is now confirmed that Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the man who is widely credited and blamed for killing your son, Nicholas, is dead.
MICHAEL BERG: Well, my reaction is I'm sorry whenever any human being dies. Zarqawi is a human being. He has a family who are reacting just as my family reacted when Nick was killed, and I feel bad for that. I feel doubly bad, though, because Zarqawi is also a political figure, and his death will re-ignite yet another wave of revenge, and revenge is something that I do not follow, that I do want ask for, that I do not wish for against anybody. And it can't end the cycle. As long as people use violence to combat violence, we will always have violence.


O'BRIEN: I have to say, sir, I'm surprised. I know how devastated you and your family were, frankly, when Nick was killed in such a horrible, and brutal and public way.
BERG: Well, you shouldn't be surprised, because I have never indicated anything but forgiveness and peace in any interview on the air.
O'BRIEN: No, no. And we have spoken before, and I'm well aware of that. But at some point, one would think, is there a moment when you say, 'I'm glad he's dead, the man who killed my son'?
BERG: No. How can a human being be glad that another human being is dead?
O'BRIEN: There have been family members who have weighed in, victims, who've said that they don't think he's a martyr in heaven, that they think, frankly, he went straight to hell ...
You know, you talked about the fact that he's become a political figure. Are you concerned that he becomes a martyr and a hero and, in fact, invigorates the insurgency in Iraq?
BERG: Of course. When Nick was killed, I felt that I had nothing left to lose. I'm a pacifist, so I wasn't going out murdering people. But I am -- was not a risk-taking person, and yet now I've done things that have endangered me tremendously. I've been shot at. I've been showed horrible pictures. I've been called all kinds of names and threatened by all kinds of people, and yet I feel that I have nothing left to lose, so I do those things.
Now, take someone who in 1991, who maybe had their family killed by an American bomb, their support system whisked away from them, someone who, instead of being 59, as I was when Nick died, was 5-years-old or 10-years-old. And then if I were that person, might I not learn how to fly a plane into a building or strap a bag of bombs to my back?
That's what is happening every time we kill an Iraqi, every time we kill anyone, we are creating a large number of people who are going to want vengeance. And, you know, when are we ever going to learn that that doesn't work?
O'BRIEN: There's an alternate reading, which would say at some point, Iraqis will say the insurgency is not OK -- that they'll be inspired by the death of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi in the sense of he was turned in, for example, we believe by his own No. 2, No. 3 leadership in his ranks.
And, that's actually them saying we do not want this kind of violence in our country. Experts whom we've spoken to this morning have said this is a critical moment where Iraqis need to figure out which direction the country is going to go. That would be an alternate reading to the scenario you're pointing to.
BERG: Yes, well, I don't believe that scenario, because every time news of new atrocities committed by Americans in Iraq becomes public, more and more of the everyday Iraqi people who tried to hold out, who tried to be peaceful people lose it and join -- what we call the insurgency, and what I call the resistance, against the occupation of one sovereign nation.
O'BRIEN: There's a theory that a struggle for democracy, you know...
BERG: Democracy? Come on, you can't really believe that that's a democracy there when the people who are running the elections are holding guns. That's not democracy.
O'BRIEN: There's a theory that as they try to form some kind of government, that it's going to be brutal, it's going to be bloody, there's going to be loss, and that's the history of many countries -- and that's just what a lot of people pay for what they believe will be better than what they had under Saddam Hussein.
BERG: Well, you know, I'm not saying Saddam Hussein was a good man, but he's no worse than George Bush. Saddam Hussein didn't pull the trigger, didn't commit the rapes. Neither did George Bush. But both men are responsible for them under their reigns of terror.

Under Saddam Hussein, no al Qaeda. Under George Bush, al Qaeda.
Under Saddam Hussein, relative stability. Under George Bush, instability.
Under Saddam Hussein, about 30,000 deaths a year. Under George Bush, about 60,000 deaths a year. I don't get it. Why is it better to have George Bush the king of Iraq rather than Saddam Hussein?

And then cometh the right wing shitstorm...and with it, a change in MY attitude.

Everyone from Laura to Rush to the psychos on ham radio went ape shit and called Michael Berg....the man who lost his son to a decapitation for fuck's sake....a PUSSY!

Ah, America. What a special place. According to Mr Berg, this is not a recent occurrence. Apparently, when has spoke of peace and trying to get along with everyone, people have.....THREATENED HIM AND SHOT AT HIM? You know, you really gotta love this fucking place. I guess they proved him right!!

I am absolutely disgusted at the reaction to this interview especially by Laura Ingraham (left). She made a joke out of it and said, "Well I am happy that he is dead!" This coming from the same woman who two weeks previous had proudly proclaimed how she is Pro Life. Well, which is it honey? If you think all life is sacred, why is this OK?

The Red States of America answer is: Killin' is alright when WE judge them to be bad. God has given America the power to judge people and it is our job to carry out His judgment.

Now, my rant here aside, I don't think we should stop looking for Bin Laden or al Zawahari. It is clear to me that they will stop at nothing to detonate a nuclear device in our country. They have declared these intentions and we need to stop them. It is unfortunate and sad but NOT our fault.

Iraq is our fault. Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is our fault and reading the interview made me realize that there is a very clear distinction between him and bin Laden. Zarqawi was "created" by our own foreign policy. He saw an opportunity to make himself into something bigger than he would ever be. The proof of how much of a Noriega-like buffoon he was is in a hilarious video of him trying to fire a gun. He can't figure out how to clear the gun when it jams for crying out loud. Bin laden, on the other hand, knows how to fire a gun, and the last time I checked, was ACTUALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE 9-11 ATTACKS.

So, while all you chuckleheads out there in zombie land are drinking Busch Light and firing your guns into the air to our "victory" in Iraq, maybe you should take a step back and listen to the words of man who actually has lost someone over there. Ask yourself, is there any truth to what he is saying? Can we change?

Can we?

You're In The Jailhouse Now

A few weeks back, an ultra conservative friend of mine, whom we will call Chet, forwarded an email to me about a very special place. In Maricopa County, Arizona, Sheriff Joe Arpaio has set up a "real" prison. Unlike the luxury prisons in the rest of the country, where anal rape, HIV transmission, nightly beatings/stabbings and bribery occur, Sheriff Joe's prison is a really TOUGH one.


Sheriff Arpaio (left) has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them. He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails, and took away their weightlifting equipment and cut off all but "G" movies. He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects. Then he started chain gangs for women so he wouldn't get sued for discrimination.

He took away cable TV until he found out there was a federal court order that required cable TV for jails. So he hooked up the cable TV again only allowed the Disney channel and the weather channel. When asked why the weather channel he replied, so they will know how hot it's gonna be while they are working on my chain gangs. He cut off coffee since it has zero nutritional value. When the inmates complained, he told them, "This isn't the Ritz/Carlton.If you don't like it, don't come back."




He bought the Newt Gingrich lecture series on videotape that he pipes into the jails. When asked by a reporter if he had any lecture series by a Democrat, he replied that a democratic lecture series might explain why a lot of the inmates were in his jails in the first place.

The response at the end of the email was:

Way to go, Sheriff! Maybe if all prisons were like this one there would be a lot less crime and/or repeat offenders. Criminals should be punished for their crimes - not live in luxury until it's time for their parole, only to go out and commit another crime so they can get back in to live on taxpayers money and enjoy things taxpayers can't afford to have for themselves.

The email left out the fact that, according to the Phoenix Times, Sheriff Joe "was once Arizona's most popular politician. But his popularity is plummeting as the public learns details of horrendous jail conditions, reckless police operations and Gestapo-like activities against political rivals. "

He also seems to have a habit of having a perfectly prepared statement anytime a camera or microphone is aimed in his direction. And a closer look at Maricopa County's rate of repeat crimes shows that it is among the worst in the country. But hey, who am I to argue with the reality that this email has created?

Ah, conservative fear-mongering and paranoia. It is soooo grounded in fact and reality it's almost hard to question, isn't it? I guess my first question is this: does Chet feel that because I am a "liberal" (whatever that means), that I am FOR crime? Apparently he thinks that Democrats across the country are holding hands with convicts, supplying them with baby oil and porn, and making sure that all victims of crimes are actually the ones punished.

Is this the right wing mentality? And they call left wingers too full of emotion and not grounded in fact? What a bunch of fucking nonsense! Do you want to know why I will NEVER be a conservative
(whatever that means)? It is because of this complete sack of bullshit email that was sent to me last month. Pardon me while I LAUGH MY ASS OFF FOR THE REST OF THE SUMMER AT THIS COMPLETELY FUCKING IGNORANT, MOUTH-BREATHING POINT OF VIEW!!!



Chet, I hate to be the one to inform you of this but if you want to know why criminals are "running free" take a look in the fucking mirror. As I write this article, if someone is caught with an ounce or more of marijuana, they will serve mandatory prison time up to 25 years with NO eligibility for parole. If someone rapes or beats a woman, it is more than likely that they will be out of prison in less than two years, if they even go in at all, and this is according to the Hennepin County Sheriff's office. This is based on federal laws that were made by people that YOU voted for, Chet; CONSERVATIVE lawmakers and their leadership who don't want the drug trade interfering with their own drug business (aka the Pharmaceutical Industry).

So, just to recap: smoking a joint and listening to The Beatles: BAD! Time for prison, pal! Raping and beating the shit out of a woman: NOT AS BAD! Time off for good behavior. Oh, and how was she, by the way?

But, hey, you know what? I thought that maybe I should give Chet the benefit of the doubt so I decided to find out how our society was really treating convicted criminals in our very own state of Minnesota. I sauntered into my local police department and had a conversation with a sergeant there whom I will call Smith.

Sgt. Smith explained to me that the conditions in most prisons in Minnesota and around the country were actually quite unpleasant. (Gasp!) In addition to confirming that the items I mentioned in the first paragraph really do happen, he cited small, unwashed cells, disgusting clothes and laundry as well as harsh treatment of prisoners. When I asked him if the Democrats were at fault for all the criminals running around, he laughed and said that maybe crime would really be over in this country if our leadership in Washington would set a better example.

And his comment gave me a great idea.

Chet, maybe you, Joe Arpaio, and I have more in common than I thought. I have three perfect candidates for Sheriff Joe's prison camp:




















That's right, folks. Our president, vice president, and secretary of defense could all benefit from a stint in Sheriff Joe's prison to ponder the errors of their ways. The long days spent on a chain gang in 138 degree weather in pink shorts and eating green bologna would offer them time to reflect upon their crimes of negligent homicide, conspiracy to commit murder, theft, bribery, libel, and purgery. Rather than the Newt Gingrich videos, perhaps the staff of the tent prison could broadcast images such as this one:

This is one of the families that was shot in the head, execution style, by our very own Marine Corps in Hidatha, Iraq last November. The original cause of death was listed as a car bomb but now the Pentagon itself is saying that this was an actual massacre of innocent civilians by our armed forces. Notice the smaller body, second from left. That is a child. A CHILD!! A child that was shot in the head execution style. Take a look at that body and explain to me what justifies this action.




While the Marines involved clearly are responsible for these actions, our leadership sent them there in the first place. They put them in this position and they are the ones that are ultimately responsible for this atrocity.

What's that you say? The ol' liberal, Bush-hater Mark spouting off again?

Well, maybe we should ask Sergeant Smith's opinion. He told me that apparently, and this totally whackey, dude, but, hypothetically speaking, if Bob hires Jeff to go steal a can of gas from Jim and, in the course of the robbery, Jeff kills Jim then Bob is also guilty of murder. Huh. Imagine that.

So, Sheriff Joe, are you reading this? And can you do it without moving your lips? I have some new customers for you. Their names are George, Dick, and Don. I think they will fit in nicely with the rest of the murderers and thieves, don't you?

Wait. The image of a sweaty Dick Cheney in pink shorts eating a green bologna sandwhich came into my head.....hee hee...hoo hoo.....BWA HAH HAH AH AH....hey, maybe Sheriff Joe could teach him how to handle a gun! Hee Hee.......