Contributors

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Show Me A Child

In his first ever interview on Arab TV (in an interview with Dubai based Al-Arabiya), President Obama told the Muslim world that the United States is not their enemy. He proposed immediate engagement with various Muslim leaders as well as a pledge to speak from a Muslim capital within his first 100 days. The balls on him...:)

The best bit though was when the interviewer asked about Al Qaeda and how they seemed nervous about the Obama era. Our new president responded by saying

They are nervous. They are nervous because they are going to see a changed America on my watch. No longer will they have a devil to point at and the world will see their ideas for what they are..completely bankrupt. Show me a child that Al Qaeda has helped during the last eight years. The only way they understand is violence.

My guy hits one out of the park...all the way past Waveland.

Monday, January 26, 2009

His First Mistake

President Obama, in a meeting with Congressional lawmakers on Friday, said to the Republican representatives "you can't just listen to Rush Limbaugh and get things done." While he was stating the obvious, he made a critical error.

By mentioning Limbaugh in a meeting regarding the stimulus package, our new president has now empowered him and elevated him to the status of having a seat at the table. Rush Limbaugh should have no such fucking seat at the table when it comes to anything related to the direction of our country. He is an entertainer and lacks, in just about every way, the intellectual and moral strength that it takes to run this country. Or any country for that matter.

Now, someone like myself (a fourth rate blogger who only has about 200 readers as opposed to Rush's 13.7 million listeners) can mention Rush and get away with it as it usually makes my page loads go up. The fact that President Obama lowered himself by mentioning Rush's name nauseates me. Rush's ideas regarding where this country should go are akin to a 5th grader who is on an eternal temper tantrum...never admitting fault...never shutting up....never, EVER being wrong.

I knew he'd make mistakes, and I think the economic stimulus is going to hold a big one for him, but I didn't think he would ever make a dumb one like this so early. Ah well, he is only human:)

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Oh....no.

From rld in comments earlier this week

you are going to be in the same boat as Jon Stewart and Olberman, as in what are they going to talk about now?

Well....



Oh...no. That's going to leave a mark:)

Thursday, January 22, 2009

"I Hope He Fails"

These were the four words uttered by Rush Limbaugh on his radio program yesterday in regards to Obama's economic plans.

Setting aside the fact for just a moment that if President Obama does fail that will mean a worse economic situation than we have now, I think Rush is beginning to sound desperate. Odd, because he still gets around a 5 share which, in radio lingo, is pretty amazing in ratings . Obama HAS to fail because if he doesn't or even if he is marginally successful it proves that Rush and other conservatives are wrong (see: End Times).

It is absolutely unconscionable that Rush Limbaugh, in this truly challenging and uncertain time, wants the president of the United States to fail. Doesn't he have even the slightest sensitivity for the people in this country that are hurting right now? If he is the patriot he claims to be, he will set aside his own hubris and attempt to be helpful.

Think he'll do it?

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Um...wow...

Well, I guess he didn't waste any time did he?

This is only a small clip of the whole speech which I heard on NPR today. If I find the full speech, I'll put it up. White House wages are being frozen, a stern reminder was handed out that government serves the people not the other way around, and then there was this secrecy thing...

Someone needs to check to see if mother (Dick Cheney) needs help going to the toilet today:)

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Monday, January 19, 2009

Today

Today...means so much when you consider Tomorrow..

Happy Birthday, Dr. King!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

The End and The Beginning

On Tuesday, Barack Hussein Obama will take the oath of office and become our nation's 44th President. I have to admit I am still in a state of disbelief.

If you would have asked me one year ago that the man I wanted to be president more than just about anyone else on the political scene was actually going to win, I would've told you that you were nuts. In fact, I probably would've chalked the whole idea up to a pipe dream. There is no way that a country that elected George W. Bush twice would vote for a man like Barack Obama. The last eight years have produced an America that is a three headed monster...a monster that would never elect a man like our next president. It's just not possible, is it?

Before we take a look at how it happened let's take a look at what we have become in the last eight years. What are the three heads...exactly?

1. Hate. For all of our talk of loving thy neighbor, we sure have done an awful lot of hating in this country. Turn on any right wing radio dick and you will hear what I am talking about. They will tell you of the traitors in this country that continually plot to ruin our way of life. These traitors are...well...our next president and anyone else that supports him. They are the media. They are the teachers. They are you and they are I.

Of course, the irony is that they will also tell you that it is the LEFT that is full of hate but I think we can all see, after their convention in my home state of Minnesota, that they should take a look in the fucking mirror. There is no doubt that there is hate on the left. It's just not as prevalent and well organized as it is in the current incarnation of the Republican Party. Even President Bush is appalled by it which is ironic because he helped to create it.

2. Fear. The right does a great job with this one. My eight year old daughter has been told by fellow classmates, whose parents are conservative, that Barack Obama, after he becomes president, is going to give guns to babies so they can kill each other thus leading to infant genocide. I suppose it's possible that something was lost in the translation but I think you get my point.

Bush, Rove, Cheney and minions have been extremely successful in making many people in this country so hysterical with fear that they truly believe that Barack Obama is going to destroy them. Their propaganda has been so effective that I have had people tell me that I "best purchase" a gun to fight off the liberals that are going to take my family away from me and put them in camps. Three people told me this. I am not fucking kidding. And I thought the "liberals are fascists" argument was loony. The cheese is just flying off the cracker now.

3. Ignorance. This one is key. Destroy the credibility of the media and education (e.g. all commie liberal traitors), and you can get #1 and #2 with ease. An ignorant population is easier to control. If twenty percent of this country believe that the media and public education are doling out biased information, where are they going to turn? Either to the Republican Party's various information outlets or nowhere. More than likely it's the latter.

It's not just enough to get people to tune out or follow the party line. They have to be happy about it. Somewhere along the line it became cool to be a fucking moron. We like smart doctors, elite athletes, and business savvy CEOs but when it comes to our government-specifically our president-we want someone with whom we can have beer. Being smart is the absolute last thing many of us seem to want in president. I offer as evidence of this Governor Sarah Palin who has broad support amongst many conservatives.

So, folks on the right have done a great job of crafting this three headed monster in order to essentially gut this country as the mob would bust a joint out that it has taken over. Take a look around you. Know anyone that has lost a job recently? I bet you do. Where did all the money go? It's pretty obvious...the people who are on their way out the door. And funny thing...they don't really care. They got what they wanted from a bunch of hateful, fearful, and ignorant people who STILL believe in them. I have a friend who works in the mortgage industry who is just about destitute and will not, under any circumstances, admit any fault on the part of any conservative. It's all Barney Frank's fault!

So, how is it possible that through all of this we elected a man like Barack Obama? There's the crappy economy, the failed policies in the Middle East, and the shit stained image of the United States in the world...all things that I'm sure helped contribute to the victory. I say it's something else.

When Barack Obama takes the oath of office on Tuesday morning, it will be because the good guys are finally starting to win. I want to be very VERY clear about this. The good guys are not just Democrats. They are Republicans and even far right conservatives. They are independents, socialists, communists, constitutionalists and everyone in between. The good guys are people exactly like our next president...people who have an infinite supply of intellectual and moral strength. People who are going to show those who have succumbed to the three headed monster the true meaning of patriotism.

And there were just enough of them to win an election.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Under The Weather

Hey folks, sorry it has been so long since the last post. School has been busy and my whole family got socked with the stomach flu.

Inauguration next week...the day after Dr. King's birthday...

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Now That's What I Call A Bail Out!

Sometimes I wake up in the morning, read the news, and wonder what country I am living in. It seems that one of the many industries...pardon me while I stop for a moment to laugh my fucking ass off...that wants a bail out from the US government is.....THE PORN INDUSTRY.

Larry Flynt, of Hustler fame, and CEO of Girls Gone Wild Joe Francis are going to ask Congress for $5 billion to help them through these tough times. Spokesman for Flynt, Owen Moogan, says, "The porn industry has been hurt by the downturn like everyone else and they are going to ask for the $5 billion. Is it the most serious thing in the world? Is it going to make the lives of Americans better if it happens? It is not for them to determine.”

Most of you know that I do take my porn seriously but folks, c'mon, this is completely ludicrous. I know it's sad that people aren't spending as much money at lovemyass.com as they should be but aren't there more important things to be dealing with now?

Monday, January 05, 2009

Hmm...

A report is out that Vice President Dick Cheney has admitted to FBI investigators that he altered certain talking points to the press so Valarie Plame's name would come to light. Murray Waas is the reporter that somehow got access to the document, still highly classified, and wrote about what he saw.

Waas, you may recall, is an investigative journalist who helped break the Iran-Contra scandal. He has been a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize and has won the Goldsmith Prize for Investigative Reporting, awarded by the Joan Shorenstein Barone Center on The Press. So the guy is no hack.

I'm going to wait until the report comes out before I completely believe Mr. Waas. I suspect it won't be out until later this year. If it is true, will we have enough balls to put Cheney in jail?

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Happy New Year!

Thank the Lord that 2009 is here. There were some pretty rotten things that happened in 2008 in this country. The inauguration is less than three weeks away. Yea!

I wonder what is going to happen this year....

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Best New Year's Present

Well, I got a nice end of the year gift with some great news. One of my all time favorite bands is getting back together...BLUR!!

That's right....Damon and Graham have buried the hatchet. They are going to rehearse in early 2009 and "see what happens." They scheduled a gig for Hyde Park in July that sold out in 2 minutes! So they added another one the day before. They have promise more tour dates (in America!) and possibly a new album.

Happy New Year!
I am a very happy man:)

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

BEST OF 2008

What a year. I have to say that when it comes to entertainment, 2008 was really mega. I saw many great bands, some really fantastic films, and a few really groovy TV shows. So, the following is a list of those artistic endeavors that really stood out in my mind in each of aforementioned categories. If you have any you would like to share please do so in comments at the end of this column. I would welcome them.

Without further adieu, here is my list...

BEST CD

A Tortured and Wonderful Howl From the Heart
In April of 2006, Billy Lunn, guitarist, singer, and songwriter for the Welwyn Garden City, Hertforshire, England trio The Subways, was diagnosed with nodules on his vocal chords. They canceled several appearances in support of their wonderful first album Young For Eternity, including one that I had tickets for here in Minneapolis. Doctors said that years of intense screaming during his songs may have damaged his voice permanently and it was entirely possible that he would never be able to sing again. His scream, in many ways, is one of the best in the history of rock and roll. It epitomizes that Janovian wail that only true disciples of the medium can capture and convey. An excellent example of its supremacy can be heard in the song "Rock & Roll Queen", from Young For Eternity, a high-octane, balls-to-labia shag tune that is a must for any playlist. Shortly after the diagnosis, Lunn and his girlfriend (and bass player in the band), Charlotte Cooper, broke up. The question of whether the band would even continue weighed pretty heavily on the trio. With the future of the group in doubt, Billy started writing.

And what we wrote has become the album of 2008: All Or Nothing.

In fact, it may be the album of the decade and is, without a doubt, in my top 25 records of all time. To borrow from the late Heath Ledger from Brokeback Mountain, I can’t quit this album. It is absolutely infectious on just about every level. As I listened to it the first few times, I could smell the beer, the smoke (if not illegal in your city), the vodka-Red Bulls, the sweat, the women, and the absolute human glory that is the CLUB. Every time I listen to it I get the urge to be body passed in a slimy, hoard of humanity…my Chucks flailing uncontrollably…as I revel in the majestic splendor of the pit. Clearly, Billy's voice got all better:)

Much of this feeling is due to the stellar production work of Butch Vig (of Garbage and Nirvana fame), and one really gets the sense that this is the next logical progression from Nevermind… Brit-Style. The first four songs are like Ali’s fucking fist (”Girls and Boys”, “Kalifornia”, “Alright”, and “Shake Shake”), pummeling you with such might that you are immediately brought to your knees in gratitude for hearing such great music. The next track, “Move to Newlyn”, is a wonderful travelogue that brings you on a journey of self discovery around the United Kingdom. We get back into the power with the title track, “I Won’t Let You Down” (his scream at the end…OMG!), “Turnaround”, and “Obsession”, the latter of which has a terribly haunting harmony vocal by Charlotte.

Then we get to the track of the album: “Strawberry Blonde”. To say that this song is gorgeous is the understatement of… history. It is three levels above gorgeous and there hasn’t been a word yet invented to define the truth and beauty of this instant top ten love song. I will say, like any great song, it reaches into my heart, pulls out a jumble of words, and puts them together to describe exactly how I feel. The album finishes with “Always Tomorrow” and “Lost Boy”, another shovel-to-the-head stunner of a track.

I have listened to this CD pretty much every day since I bought it last summer and still have not grown tired of it. You won’t either. No one will.

Because Billy approaches life like I do…fucking mega or fuck you…All or Nothing….and it is magnificent. Thank God.

BEST TRACK

From the moment I heard the opening seconds of it, I knew it was the song of the year. I also knew that there was a reason why I liked it but I couldn't figure out why. Then when I visited the Essex band Magistrates' web site and saw that their favorite two bands were Prince and The Talking Heads, I realized why I instantly fell in love with "Make This Work." Talk about a combination! I adore the Talking Heads and my hometown boy? Let's just say that Prince's super funk charged and deliciously dripping with sexuality music has made me a happy lover throughout the years...

Looking at it from this perspective, "Make This Work" is a fucking gorgeous gem that makes you believe that all romance and all love are possible in spite of the simple fact that most people are dicks. In all honesty, the hope of this song is something I really need right now and so should you!

BEST FILM

It is a rare thing when a film changes your life. My pick for 2008 Best Film changed certainly changed two lives as well as my own. Woody Allen's Vicky Christina Barcelona is an emotional gut wrencher in the most positive way you can imagine. The film reached into my heart, tore it open, and laid it bare for the whole world to see. Life, as the film states repeatedly, is lonely, dark, and often boring. This is why everyone needs to seize whatever moments of passion they can...regardless of how crazy it makes you...and cast aside conventional wisdom, and sometimes even emotional balance, to get to THAT place. For those of you who have been there, you know what I am talking about...:)

The story revolves around two women who visit Barcelona for the summer and how they each come to view romance, love, and passion through the events that unfold over the course of the narrative. What makes Allen's film so interesting is that it is not just about these two women. Every character in the film...even minor ones with only a few lines...convey very specific and wonderful ideas about the human condition as it relates to the female-male relationship. I found bits and pieces of myself in EVERY character in the film which lead to an enormous amount of self reflection after each viewing. I have seen the film three times and each time its impact on me grew, driving me to ask an amazingly intense question of my friends and of myself:

When faced with the choice of the comfort of boredom or the insanity of lust...which would you choose?

BEST TV SHOW

For the second year in a row, Mad Men is the best show on television. Honestly, I didn't think it was possible given how amazing the first season was. The second season was an absolute stunner. It picks up a little under two years after the end of the first season...the height of Kennedy era cool, which basically means I just jizzed in my pants.

So, Jack is president and women are either looked at as a Marilyn or a Jackie. Mega! Every episode was fucking incredible (mainly due to my girl, Christina Hendricks (left) and her amazing hips!) but the most interesting one was "The Jet Set" in which our hero, Don Draper, goes off the map on a David Lynchian experience in the wilds of California.

If you aren't watching this show, there is something seriously wrong with you and you need to get the first season on DVD immediately. The second season will be out in the first quarter of next year. If you do watch the show, can someone please tell me what the fuck Pete Campbell was doing with the shotgun at the end of the show?

Those are my picks for the year. What are yours? Leave comments below...

Monday, December 29, 2008

The Situation In Gaza

Before I put up my Best of 2008, I thought it more appropriate to address the situation in Gaza.

When Israel pulled out of Gaza, I lauded the move and was roundly chastised by several conservatives for being "weak" on terror. I predicted that some time would pass, Israel would lose patience, and then attack them as one sovereign country would attack another.

For those of you who don't know, the Israeli military has decided to end the mortar attacks from Hamas once and for all. They have been pounding Gaza for the last three days and well over 300 people in the Hamas stronghold have been killed.

While I find this loss of life to be terribly sad, I think the amount of restraint Israel has shown has been remarkable. Most of you who know me know that I am a staunch supporter of Israel so this opinion will not come as any surprise. Hamas has two central goals in mind in their operations: abuse their own people by ripping them off financially and killing Jews. It's just that simple. When they broke with Abbas and the real Palestinian governing body, they basically made their bed. It's sad that innocents in the Gaza Strip have to suffer as a result but I don't see that they have any other recourse.

As a holocast survivor once said, "When someone says they want to kill you, believe them."

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merrry Christmas

To all of you who read Notes From The Front, I wish you and your family a very Happy Christmas. Thank you for being such loyal and devoted readers.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Hee Hee....what? Really?

I was flipping around the news channels the other day and I caught a little of Bill O'Reilly. He was talking about the War on Christmas. At first, I thought it might be an old tape or a nostalgia bit but no...oh no...it was live and this year. It was the usual rant about liberals hating Jesus, wanting to outlaw Santa, and force people into celebrating Kwansa at gunpoint. In other words, it was the classic "They's a comin'" bit.

Apparently, O'Reilly and other conservatives have not gotten the message that our country has much bigger problems to deal with than how people greet each other at the holidays. General Powell was correct. It's time for the right to decide if they want to continue to yell and be divisive (i.e. lose election after election) or if they want to showcase their message, several items of which would have an appeal to a great number of Americans, in a more positive way.

I wonder what they will decide?

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Holiday Grab Bag

It's been way too long since I did a Grab Bag. To be honest, since my guy won the election I haven't really felt the urge to be mean. Sure, I have noticed things that have driven me up a mother fucking tree but any such annoyances are quickly washed away by uttering the magic three words:

President Elect Obama.

But, as luck would have it, the last couple of weeks have been extra special bowls of Campbell Soup so I think I now have just the right combination of venom, irritation, and semen to revisit some of the things that have really pissed me recently. Happy Christmas!

THE J WORD

A friend of mine and I were walking through the Eden Prairie Mall recently and having a conversation. We passed by a mother and two kids, roughly around 9 and 7.

Friend: I can't stand that guy.
Mark: Yeah, he's a real jerk.
9 Year Old: Gasp! Mommy, he said the J word!
Mommy: Just move away quickly from that serial rapist/murderer, son. Get away! GET AWAY! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

As they scurried away in apparent fear, I wondered to my friend if the J word really meant the word jerk. "Beats me," he replied. I passed the whole thing off as me misreading things...as I often do:)

About a week later, I was at the Big 10-a restaurant here in Minneapolis. There was a family of five eating dinner and I was by myself-grabbing one of their great subs while studying. One of the kids said that he heard another kid at school use the J word. The dad told his son that the kid who uttered that word would be thrown into a boiling pit of sewage for eternal damnation. The smallest of the three kids asked quite loudly, "What's the J word?" To which the mother whispered, loud enough so I could hear, "Jerk. And don't you ever use that word or call anyone that. Keep your voice down."

Being the person that you all know and love, I turned to them and asked, "Since when is the word 'jerk' such a bad word?"

The parents looked at me as if I had just asked their children to videotape their mom swallowing one of their Dad's bowel movements (coming directly out of his butt and into her mouth) while I fucked her in the ass.

After they recovered from their astonishment, they replied, "The J Word is the meanest word in the world. It is a terrible, awful word that no one should ever EVER use. Please leave us alone."

I turned back to my homework, not dignifying them with a response and shaking my head at the sad fucking state our society has become. Now, I know for sure that there are plenty of you who laughed your asses off at what I wrote two paragraphs above this one. To be certain, there is one woman in Aurora, Illinois who just peed her pants. But there are probably many of you out there who were massively offended at what I wrote. By our society's standards, it was, in fact, offensive. I have no problem with that.

But....the J word? Really?

Have we become so vanilla, so PC, so terribly lame that we can't even call someone a jerk anymore? The word is universally accepted everywhere...even in G rated movies or films from the 1940s for cripes sakes....as being alright to call someone who cuts in front of you in line. Or steals a kid's ice cream cone. Or who won't use the butt crack to wipe it off before it goes back up into her mouth. Or who laughs at you when you are trying to push your car out of the snow.

Well, maybe the third one on the above list is more a common courtesy issue than jerk behavior but you get my point. I am so sick of this culture and its completely ridiculous and massively uptight rules about language. I feel like I am being shackled and thrown into an ever shrinking prison cell of what is acceptable discourse and I fucking hate it. Words can be made into anything they want. Say the word 'fuck' enough and it loses its appeal. I use it all the time and I don't have a single thought about it. It's just a word and it can mean anything you want it to mean.

Take, for example, the word 'chair.' In a recent discussion with an abnormally uptight individual who gets his jollies heaping and piling more restrictions on language, I told him that every time I said the word chair, I thought of a giant cock going into a big fat chick's ass. I then proceeded to say the word chair seventeen times over the course of the next two minutes. He became flabbergasted and cried, "I'll never use the word chair again" to which I replied,

"See? Now you know how I feel."

MEN THAT WON'T DO WHAT?

A couple of summers ago, I fixed up a female friend of mine (very hot) with a male friend of mine. About a month and a half into the relationship, she called me up and said, "What the fuck is up with your boy?" I asked her what she meant. "He won't fuck me." She then continued to tell me that he just liked to cuddle and kiss.

Now, normally I have no problem with this...some people like to wait. He just didn't seem the type, though, and when I asked him if he liked my friend and thought she was hot, he said, "Oh, yeah." Okkkkkaaaayyy....

Bit by bit over the course of the last two years, I have had woman after woman complain to me that their boyfriends/husbands/dates don't fuck them. Some go weeks...months...even YEARS without having their man make love to them. Excuse me?

In fact, it has gotten to be so many women (at least a couple dozen), that I'd like to know if I have slipped into an alternate universe...a universe where men are fucking lame. It goes without saying that women have traditionally been the ones to withhold sex. The fact that it continues is a bummer but a sadly universally accepted truth. But men? As I heard story after story, the rage inside of me began to build.

What the fuck is the matter with these d bags!!!???

Perhaps it is for religious reasons although none of the men I have met who have this problem strike me as church goers.

Perhaps they are gay and don't know it. Fine. Go suck some cock and stop wasting your time fucking with hot chick's minds.

Or perhaps (and very likely) it has to do with video games, the easy chair, the flat screen, fantasy football, Mountain Dew, Coors Light and mother fucking Cheetos. Men are just flat out lazy and have gotten use to a lifestyle that requires minimal or no effort. There seems to be no set age range in this group of twats. I have had woman complain about these men in their 20s, 30s, and even 40s. I have talked to some of these men and they offer many excuses.

"I'm just tired. It's too much effort."
"I really need a nap when I get home from work and then after that I am just shot."
"I just got a new video game."
"My fantasy football league had a late meeting and I ate too many cheese sticks."
"I'm hungry."
"Waaaah."

Believe it or not, this barely scratches the surface of the problem. There is also a group of men, mainly ages 19-29, who refuse to eat pussy. I know...I know...please calm down. You might have to be calm for me because right after I wrote the second sentence of this paragraph I wanted to go out to the garage and get my shovel for an Albert Pujols swing right to the forehead of these suckditches.

Apparently, they just think it's gross or have a general principle (largely generated by social pressure) not to do it. To say that this offends me as man, as a lover, as a devotee of chowing box is the understatement of the fucking millennium. If you don't eat pussy, you are a suckwad. If you don't take care of your woman, you are a complete loser.

Dude, it's a chick's ass and vag...is there anything hotter?

If anyone has any other ideas as to why this disturbing new trend of men being mega lame is occurring, please post them in comments because, even with the ideas listed above, I still don't fucking get it.

WHEELS ON BACKPACKS

I was at the gym the other day and I saw a woman wheeling her tennis bag behind her. In her small bag was....one tennis racket...and as far as I could see that was it. Now I suppose it is slightly possible that she had a 20 pound weight in there but really the bag was so small (it looked like a child's bag) that I'm sure she just had some tennis balls maybe and some personal items.

At my children's school, I see kids with backpacks that have wheels on them. Sure, some might have heavy books but (cue grumpy old man voice) when I was a kid, we carried our heavy backpacks on our back. Have we become so lazy in this culture that we now have to wheel minimally weighted bags around like it's a 50 pound suitcase packed for a week long trip to Hawaii?

The answer is yes....yes we have.

And people wonder why America is falling behind in the world.

VISORS

Look at this geek. Is there a way to gather all of the visors in the world and burn them? Visors are fucking stupid. About the only group of people that can pull of visors are women, especially the ones with long hair.

Men of any shape or size should not be wearing a visor. The fat bald ones who wear them look like morons. Bottom line (re: George Carlin): it's half a hat. Take it back to the store, say you were ripped off, and buy a real fucking baseball cap.

Dorkwad.


LANYARDS

I guess the new millennial look for 17-21 year old women is in and it is this: T Shirt (preferably athletic themed), men's athletic shorts (preferably knee length), sandals (even in winter), hair tied up, and a fucking stupid ass lanyard around their necks with their keys, ID, iPod, birth control, lipstick, and whatever else they can fit on their because they don't have any pockets in their shorts and don't want to carry a purse so they can look all tricked out with that 'just come from the gym or pool' look.

There was a period of time a few months back when, quite literally, every young woman I met looked exactly like this. It was as if they had been churned out in a factory....manufactured by the thousands. Whatever happened to originality? It was murdered...killed by the lanyard!

And finally, for those of you who have commented to me in the past (via email, comments, phone calls, or personal contact) that I need to be more positive...have no fear! I may be extra curmudgeonly of late but I still plan on putting up my annual Best of 2008 before the end of the year.

Stay Tuned!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Will Everyone Please Calm Down?

Taking a break from politics and turning to sports, people in my home state are once again making the mistake of thinking the Vikings are going to go somewhere in the playoffs. Yes, I know they need one win or one Bears loss and they win the division but let's not break out the big ass drum of boiling oil and have ourselves a clam bake yet.

Only true Vikings fans know (as nearly as long suffering as Cubs fans), they are going to take a dump in these last few weeks. If it's not in the regular season, it will be in the first round of playoffs. So, please, stop with the over hyper predictions of Brad "Denny's Menu" Childress taking this team to the Super Bowl and winning.

It is not going to happen.

Friday, December 19, 2008

My Guy

He's done it again.

President Elect Barack Obama has once again shown what this country is going to start looking like during his presidency. By selecting evangelical Rick Warren to deliver the invocation at his inauguration, our soon to be president has shown that we are not all divided and that many of us, regardless of our political stripes, share common beliefs.

While the left squawks (and man oh man are they squawking-hilarious:)) about Warren's anti gay and pro life beliefs, a more reasoned mind can look at Pastor Warren's beliefs and action regarding world poverty and social injustice. He believes, as I do, that it is every Christian's duty to fight against these two things and make whatever sacrifices are possible to end them.

I also think that Pastor Warren really challenged PE Obama's way of thinking on several issues when he was at the Saddleback debate last summer. If you look at PE Obama's life, these are the kind of people that he has surrounded himself with...people with diverse points of view who will take him to the mat and help him learn and grow. I'm sure Mr. Obama, being the reflective man that he is, realized how unimpressive he was in that discussion last summer and felt that Pastor Warren is someone from whom he could learn.

And it is a great move politically. Evangelicals, some of which believed the paranoid and delusional propaganda that has come out about PE Obama over the last 2 years, can now look at him in a different light. Maybe he's not a terrorist-Muslim-communist-pinko-socialist-baby killer-ultra left wing maniac as we have been lead to believe.

As I have said previously and ad naseaum, Barack Obama is going to piss off the left more than he is the right. So far he is right on track to do that.

That's my guy!