I woke up last Thursday morning a little more tired than usual. It always takes me a long time to be fully coherent in the AM (I am not a morning person). Since I had spent the evening (and parts of the morning actually) celebrating my friend Eric's birthday in a way that can best be described as delirious insanity, I was a little grey around the edges. Thankfully I have the Minneapolis Star and Tribune to read in the morning and, last week, I read an article that not only woke me up immediately but absolutely fucking pissed me off. It was about sex.
It's high time that I wrote a column on my favorite subject. People , who know me well, are downright astonished and even offended that I haven't written a column on this subject. I have thought for awhile that I should write about sex somehow but I couldn't quite find a good focal point. Thanks to the good folks at the Strib, I have now found one.
Last Thursday, on the front page of the Strib, was an article entitled "Some Hot and Some Bothered." The story began with an anecdote which sums up perfectly how fucking uptight Americans are about sex and why I am irritated beyond belief about this. Here is the quote.
Jane Brenny isn't just appalled that something called the "Sex and So Much More Show" is promoting itself on a billboard two blocks from an elementary school. She's appalled that it has come to Minneapolis at all. Brenny, who lives in Edina, was heading to church recently when she stopped at a red light and looked up. She said, "Ye gods," jotted down the event's website and went home to check it out. "That website is erotic and disgusting," she said.
Erotic and disgusting. Great. Just great. Tell you what, Jane, and all the rest of you assholes who's butts are so tight that if I shoved a lump of coal up there I could open up my own jewelry store: WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING RELAX ABOUT SEX!!!???
This country is so damn uptight about sex and I have had it. What is the matter with us? This was a trade show, for God's sake, whose central theme was to enhance couple's sex lives and build healthy sexual attitudes. But no. Oh no. The insane puritanical roots of our culture make it "bad" to have a sex trade show and "good" to have...say...a gun trade show.
I wonder if Ms. Brenny would complain if a gun show billboard was put up two blocks from an elementary school. Someone out there please explain this dichotomy to me: Hey kids, guns are cool and fun. Sometimes they are used to kill people but that's only by people who live in the ghetto. So have fun with your guns but don't you dare talk about people making love and giving each other pleasure. That's wrong! Pleasure bad! Instruments of Death Good!!
Here's a thought to all you social conservatives/evangelicals out there. God created man and woman in his image. He/She gave us this extraordinary ability to have a ton of fun with our bodies and I think she/he meant it to be that way. Why would the Lord want us to torture ourselves? It's just not sinful, folks. Sorry!
If you look back at the history of Christianity, many of the early followers were not ashamed of sex. Women were view as being sacred beings of sensual power and men respected this and even learned how to use their own sexuality in intensely spiritual ways. These beliefs were all too short lived when violent, ignorant men began to dominate the thinking behind organizing the Church. Women became viewed as evil, sinful beings and the trend continued throughout time. Some say it still goes on. Somewhere along the line sex became viewed as being wicked and that is just not true.
I am not advocating that wanton orgies occur in the streets (if there is one that you know about, however, let me know.) I am simply saying that if we all talked about sex more with each other and our children, then we would become more comfortable in dealing with sex based issues.
Sex is wonderful way to share love with someone. And loving someone is the key ingredient to making love. I have always believed what my parents told me and what I will tell my kids. If you love and respect someone, then sex is great. My folks also happened to be forward thinking people and told me that if I liked dudes better than chicks then that was cool too. I have always felt comfortable talking about sex and laugh at people who crinkle their faces at me when I make suggestive comments.
People in other countries laugh at us and how uptight we are about sex. They can't understand why the Janet Jackson Super Bowl thing was such a big deal. I also don't understand why more focus was put on the sex part of the Vikings boat party as opposed to the threatening behavior. Well, actually, when you think about it, it makes sense. Sex is bad. Violent behavior is kinda bad but not as bad as SEX. That's our culture!
This article is just another example of sounding the drumbeat of fear. A billboard about a sex show near a SCHOOL! GASP! You know what? There's a gun store five blocks away from a school in Hopkins. Which is worse? Oh wait, that's right. I forgot again. I'm in America. This is the place where grown men and women faint at the site of a nipple but think it's OK for junior to watch someone being riddled with automatic weapon fire.
I am just so tired of all of this and I hope that all of you will join me in reminding people like Ms. Brenny that sex is a mysterious, wonderful thing. It is not disgusting. And if people like her don't like sex, then why in the fuck did she go to the sex show web site in the first place?
6 comments:
100,000 LEAGUES UNDER MY NUTSACK
Good job Jane. Lazy soccer moms with shriveled, dry vaginas everywhere salute you. Keep up the great work you fascist. Let’s not mention that the show probably got the best publicity it could have ever asked for by having it mentioned on the front page of the major local newspaper courtesy of you.
I’m starting to actually believe that I care a hell of a lot more about kids than some parents do. Seeing them rush their kids off to daycare for 10 hours a day because they’re too selfish to give up their precious SUV and home in Edina (where homes aren’t exactly cheap). Let society teach your kid everything and then blame the system for developing corrupt drones. That’s how it works, I see.
The real reasons most women like her object to things like this have nothing to do with morality. I think many see it as a breach of the "sisterhood" and a threat to Jane’s sexual power and leverage in her own relationship. If you do the math, it’s much cheaper for a guy to have sex with an escort than pay for a ring, wedding, and years of alimony/child support when the marriage ends, which is more than likely will at some point because the marriage is sexless. I imagine at some level, women like Jane must find this threatening. You see, most of the "wife services” she provides can be purchased for so much less than the cost of a divorce. There are nannies, maids, massage therapists, escorts, etc. Money will buy almost everything except love and if men don't have some regular acts of love from their wives, she adds no value to mens life that can't be purchased for less elsewhere. I bet her husband is hung like a bee.
I think the message she's sending is a good one: this sex show is definitely a threat and needs to be stopped. You see, parents today don't have the time to be bothered by things like supervising their kids and teaching them right from wrong, so what we as a society need to do is ban everything objectionable.
Stories like the one that appeared in the Star Tribune remind me of the table at the school cafeteria where all the special ed kids sat. They had their own little oasis where they were the coolest people until a random wedgie(Markadelphia) brought them back to reality.
If God didn’t want us people to play with ourselves he would have put our sex organs in the middle of our backs.
What happened? The world used to be built around adults. Children were to be seen, not heard, and the whole purpose for having children was that one day they would be responsible mature adults. Now the world is no longer built for adults, the world is centered around children. Anytime anything unpleasant happens everyone starts screaming "won't somebody think of the children”? There is no longer any incentive for growing up and maturing because we reward those that stay 12 years old forever. So you know what? To hell with anything that is done “for the children”. America has raised a generation of arrogant little pricks that thinks the world revolves around them. Why? Because when they were children, their mommy and daddy made the world revolve around them. Why should the passing of a few years make any difference?
Indeed every other country laughs at us. The things I saw in store fronts while walking down the street of Amsterdam - bestiality, golden showers, etc - would make Jane have a coronary. In Holland they teach the kids about sex when they are very young. They teach them, in school, what a Loverboy is so the girls can avoid falling victim to a pimp later on in life. They expose them to everything instead of shielding them from the reality of the adult world. They don’t pretend these things don’t exist like Jane does.
I'm curious if they were selling hooded sweatshirts, sunglasses and renting strollers. Would have loved to see the Ron Jeremy demonstration, "Double-Dick Ass Pounding, Making Love the Way God Intended."
I suppose the day is approaching when my fourteen year old will be asking my advise on two-holed fisting, golden showers, shitting, and high school gang bang. Guess I'll have her call Crabby. I wonder if Porn Star has made high school guidance councellor's list as a career option. Check that for me will ya M-delphia? - could be an option for both our little pumkins. We could be so very proud!
I'm not sure a glorified porn show should form the basis for an open and frank discussion on righty/lefty morals. I'm thinking there are some pretty kinky rightys out there, and some pretty prudish leftys as well. Nice try though; I realize you gotta stick to the gameplan.
As for Edina prude, I find it interesting to note that she's commenting from Wellstone country. Liberals with money - is that possible? My guess is that a gun billboard would indeed carry the same outrage. In fact, wasn't the new Fiddy Cent movie promoted with a billboard of him holding a gun? And weren't we force-fed outrage on this one too? I dont know . . . be careful not to pick and choose based on who's ox is geing gored. Like everything else, one person's outrage, doesn't make it consensus so, rest easy boys.
Props to Crabby for expanding the discussion to child rearing and marriage. Of course, these comments were based on limited to no first hand experience, but hey, no-one's asking for resume's here. We can all pretend to be anything we want to be - it's the beauty of it. Much of what you say I agree with though, so I will give you credit for being observant. I'm not too sure Jane was worried about the sex show being a threat to her powers over men though-kinda deep don't ya think? I'm a right leaner so, dumb it down will ya? Anyway, I'm thinking Jane was more worried that her teenage daughter would see validation, via the billboard and public acceptance of the show, in her desires for sex. It's natural of course, but, parents need to at least feign concern don't they? You can judge that all you want, but until you start dealing with a teen, outside of the Amsterdam red-light district, it will be hard to accept your points on child rearing. Like it or not, pre-teens and teens are getting their cues from everywhere but their parents - and that transcends generations my friends; don't stop the press.
So, I'm not buying that one person's concern over the advertisement of a sex show correlates to another right-wing attack on civil liberties, or a Christian attack on anyone's right to enjoy without guilt. The way I understand the Bill of Rights, if one wishes to provide first hand demonstations of double penetration, masturbation, group sex, pissing, S&M, and bestiality to one's own child, you may do so. That is, as long as you do not physically include them, and the courts buy your argument that it was all for "education" and protected by the Constitution. I'm sure Ron Jeremy could help you out if you need another dick. Oh, and start early, the Europeans do, and we all know what superior cultures they have; at least that's what I'm told.
I'm looking forward to the day when, while standing in line for a meatball sub, I get to step over five couples, of any age, blowing and banging up an appetite, and have this be socially acceptable. Be mindful that the white stuff is actually mayo. Jane may have jumped the gun, or unwisely chossen her battle here, but at least she's up for the fight, which is more than I've ever heard in this blog.
Go ahead and call me a prude then, but, I for one don't mind some level of social checks and balance. I'm as big a sex freak as the next guy. I'm not at all afraid that the Jane's of the world are going to take away my right to go to an "adult" sex show so I can get a "mature" education on the art of multiple orgasms. I might even find that pesky copy of, "Go Fuck Your Wife, I Did, Vol 15" I can't seem to find. I hear the complete works of Seymore Butts makes a great stocking "stuffer." (I know, I know)
And thanks for the appointment to the cabinet! Be prepared for accusations of cronyism though. HUD? I want head of ATF! I have kids, so, I will require only 20-30 hour work weeks, and 200K minimum. I hope my doper, drunken, sex fiend past doesn't come back to haunt me, though I'm thinking I would be just a quick stop on the trail of "bigger fish to fry." Know what I mean el-presidente? My first order of business would be to propose 200 Billion in new spending to create permanent shelters for people displaced by natural disasters or otherwise unable or unwilling to enter the ranks of the overworked, underpaid and overtaxed middle class like the rest of us. No, wait, we are already doing that - it's called subsidised housing. Never mind.
Oh sure, blog about sex after you leave obscene phone calls calling
yourself Rocco Siefriedi...nice rant Marko!
Here's another microcosm of how duplicitous it all is...no big fuss about Grand Theft Auto San Andreas for over a year. One of the most violent videogames out. You get points for crashing cars, running over people, getting out and punching civilians, bonus cash and guns for working over cops, blood everywhere, beat the living crap out of hos, pimps, anyone. (One of my fav games for a while, too much driving around though) No real reaction from the press, the right, the left...for a year. Some minor stuff when it came out...oh, that's not right, beating up cops. Course we all knew videogames were evil, move on....
Then Hot Coffee comes out, and OH MY GAWD, you can have sex in a video game. We are indignant, what a bad influence, quick, pull the game off the shelves of Walmart (after the game has gone platinum and already done it's biggest sales and Walmart has made it's bucks) As an aside, why the hell would you want to watch polygons having sex???? I digress. I like the grandma that was going to sue one of the Marts because she bought the game for her 13 year old grandson. She was so pissed off...and the game was rated what? and he might find out about sex, geez grandma, he's probably already doing it.
Maybe this a micorcosm of politics. Maybe this whole WMD is really penis envy for our politicos? Interesting that we publish pics of Saddam in his underwear...what a package! You know that the admin knew having Saddam in his undies would again boil the loins of conservatives everywhere. Is this what it's all about? Bring back the Puritans, the witch hunts, the dunking chairs, good old scarlet letters.
Another microcosm last weekend...14 year old girl goes off with her 18 year old boyfriend, willingly, AFTER he has shot both her parents to death. Turns out it wasn't kidnapping after all, she wanted to go with him. Hello???? I bet the outrage will shift to (at) the girl now, because after all it's not just sex, but sex with a 14 year old...
Soitgoes...kind of wonder if the avian flu isn't god's little payback sometimes don't ya? Didn't get it right the first time, maybe just start over.
Think I better go check my phone, make sure it's on....
I hear ya Chuck. I would post a long response here but since 90% of my first reply was a joke I don't want to turn it into a serious discussion.
One can never go deep enough. I agree with you that teens get their cues from everywhere but their parents, kind of reminds me why I haven't polluted the world with my genetic trash and probably won't bother with the whole idea.
I too saw the previews for the new 50 cent movie as well, "Get Rich or Die Tryin", what a lovely message to send to young urban youth. Yeah yeah I know, Britney Spears and John Mayer aren't exactly singing about investment diversification and compounding interest but you get my drift...
Some of you better call 911 ---after toeing what many would consider the leftist line, I have to say that I will be considered a prude in some people's eye after reading this. I don't care for the amount of sex that is thrust into the public's face in our society. I agree with Markadelphia in the sense that there doesn't seem to be any frank discussions of what sex is, how it affects people, when and where it is appropriate, etc., but I am weary of seeing it everywhere I go. I went to the mall the other day (I don't care for the mall really, but it is warm and has smooth floors and I can walk my baby around in the stroller for free) and literally right in front of where Santa was set up (that's right, it was the first week of November and already Christmas is being shoved down my throat)was Victoria's Secret new shop with manikens dressed in garters, corsets and lovely panty/bra sets (yowsa). Now, in general, I understand that nothing is for free and if I am going to use the mall, I have to put up with things like that, but for God's sake, does my 7 and 5 year old have to look at sexy female (or male) underwear?!? Tell me what a display like that accomplishes? My children and many others are not going to purchase those things until they are adults, they are not capable of having or understanding sex, and even if they were, do they need to be visually stimulated to investigate sex before they are emotionally ready? What if you are not one of this society's millions that believe that sex is "just a great way to get to know someone else" or is "about feeling good?"
I have similar questions about page after page of magazine advertisements in Cosmo or Rolling Stone or any number of other "fashion" magazines. Is the message that is being sent that all women should look like 10 year old boys with huge breasts and aching vaginas? Even if it is not THE message, it is at least one of the messages. Why does it seem that so many products are sold with scantily clad women or men and women sharing intimate moments? Is it possible that there is so much sex out there that we have become dulled to it or that it has lost meaning to us?
Before being accused of being stuffy and prudish, I have to say that I love sex, I love the nude female body, I fantasize and think about sex on an hourly basis. It just so happens that I love my wife very much and choose to enjoy her body and the way that she makes me feel when I am with her. There are other beautiful women in the world and it would be a lie to say that I have not wondered what it would be like, but my core essence is that my love and any sex I might engage in is reserved for the person that I love most in the world, not a cornucopia of others that I might want to get to know.
That being said, I think people should do as they see fit without judgement from others, and without the interference by those who may seek to regulate sex via social legislation. I simply ask that you don't engage in sex in public places where I or my children are exposed to it. That leaves 99.9999% of the world open for exploration of sex in public places at any given moment (from my perspective).
Someone wants to have a softcore pornographic talk show on tv, let the viewers decide whether it will be succesful or not. I won't be tuning the set into that show because it is my choice not to. I am not interested in other peoples sex. I have come around to the age old sentiment that sex is not a spectators sport.
As far as my children go, they will be educated in what sex is, when it is appropriate, and what important changes occur as a result of it as they grow up. My wife and I will decide when they are ready for it. Sooner rather than later I'll bet though. They already refer to their private parts as penises and know that girls are different in that they have vaginas. They also know that babies are produced through intercourse as opposed to the stork or a pile of oily rags left in the corner. As a parent I will encourage them to act responsibly about sex in the finest tradition of being honest, loyal, caring human beings with the knowledge that sex isn't just about how one person feels, it is about how both people feel. I honestly believe that it is only through caring and appreciation that a person can form meaningful, exciting sexual lives with their partners. In my opinion all the rest of the sex industry crap is smoke filled coffee house crap. Sometimes meaning is found within oneself and it doesn't need to be thrust upon everyone in vulgar displays. But that is just me.
Egad, that's eery. I had typed up and was ready to post an entry almost identical to the one that John posted. (You're starting to scare me here, John.) I decided not to only because I wasn't sure I had understood what the point of Markadelphia's post was, so I wasn't sure if my response actually addressed whatever that point might have been. Ultimately I was concluding that I wouldn't be able to help him out with his plea I hope that all of you will join me in reminding people like Ms. Brenny that sex is a mysterious, wonderful thing.
I can't make up my mind re: the billboard in question. I understand your point, Markadelphia, that this isn't a pornographic show/billboard in any way. It is, in fact, designed to help enhance a natural and healthy part of life. So in that regard, I have no issue with the show or the billboard. (After all, it's not any different than the 1000s of Cialis commercials we see during football games.) But the intent of the billboard and/or show doesn't necessarily make it appropriate for public display, any more than a billboard ad for Preparation H showing a giant hemorrhoid.
You wonder if Ms. Brenny would complain about a gun billboard being placed in the same location? I suspect she would. If she wouldn't, I would. I'm not gonna subscribe to the "as long as kids are already fucked-up by guns, let's completely fuck them up with sex, drugs, and gansta rap" mentality.
I couldn't care less that you can't keep Mr. Winky in his cage, or where or in whom you choose to stick him. Just don't wiggle him in my face, and have some respect for parents who choose not to raise their children that way. With all due respect to your parents, and to yourself as a parent, there are other parenting philosophies that do not deserve to be crapped on just because Ms. Brenny presumes to speak for them. Holding up Holland or France or any other European nation as some sort of paradigm for social behavior seems ludicrous to me...other than the profound benefit of being able to openly drool over and nail some random blonde hottie you see on the street, what has their openness about sex gotten them? I'm not really gonna lose any sleep over the fact that other people laugh at me/us on the subject.
Lastly, you say Women became viewed as evil, sinful beings as if it's a past-tense thing. Who says they're not still? (just kidding honey!)
Post a Comment