Showing posts with label Penis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Penis. Show all posts

Monday, October 18, 2010

Defining the Players

What exactly is the composition of the players in this year's election? Just ask Bill Maher

Democrats have real accomplishments to run on. Live preventing a depression and forcing insurance companies to cover pre-exisiting conditions; like stopping banks from being the useless middle men on student loans, and lowering taxes for non rich people.

Obama has passed a credit card bill of rights. He re-started stem cell research, got our ass out of Iraq, and signed a nuclear treaty with Russia.

But when it comes to voting, when we only have two choices, you've got to grow up and realize that there's big difference between a disappointing friend and a deadly enemy.Of course the Democrats are disappointing. That's what makes them Democrats. If they were any more frustrating, they'd be your relatives. But in this country, they are all that stands between you and darkest night.

You know why their symbol is the letter "D?" Because it's a grade that means good enough but just barely. You know why the Republican symbol is a "R?" Because that's the noise that a pirate makes when he robs you and feeds you to a shark.

In addition to defining the Democrats perfectly, it's a nice list of accomplishments as well. These would be the same ones that I "never talking about."

So, why are the Republicans so vicious? Well....Bill again....

Because for hundreds of years white penises were America. White penises founded America, they made the rules and they called the shots in the workplace, in the home, and at the ballot box. But now the unthinkable is happening. White penises are becoming the minority: 2010 was the first year in which more minority babies were born in the U.S. than white babies. This is what conservatives are really upset about -- that the president is black, and the best golfer is black, and the Secretary of State is a woman, and suddenly this country is way off track and needs some serious 'restoring.' If penises could cry -- and I believe they can -- then white penises are crying all over America.

And that's where this crew comes in; Sarah Palin, Christine O'Donnell, Michele Bachmann; the lovely MILFs of the new right. And their little secret is that their popularity comes exclusively from white men. Look at the polling: minorities hate them, women hate them -- only white men like them. I'm no psychiatrist, but I do own a couch, and my theory is thatthese women represent something those men miss dearly: the traditional, idiot housewife.

If an election between Obama and Sarah Palin were held today, and only white men could vote, Sarah Palin would be president. Did you know that in 1788, when there were four million people in America, only 39,000 of them -- the richest white men -- got to vote? That doesn't sound good to you?

Ah-Ha! Now I get the Tea Party and why so many of them want us "to return to what America was founded on!"

In all seriousness, though, this is where that anger and frustration comes from that I have been talking about these last few weeks. My neighbor (who thinks that Barack Obama is the anti Christ) fits the description perfectly. He sees his world changing and, rather than taking responsibility and looking inward for the causes of his problems in his life, he finds comfort in Glenn Beck and turns his anger at Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, and Harry Reid.

His "cowboy riding in to save the day" (as Alinksy would put it) is Sarah Palin--a reminder of a time when the world made sense and the feminine mystique was a simple fact of life.