Sunday, November 19, 2006

Thank You, Dumb Asses!!!

As we sit down to Thanksgiving dinner this week, let us take the time to thank the people that are the real reason why our nation is going down the toilet. No, it's not the Neocons as many of you would believe. And it's not the Democrats. It's the fucking slobs in the picture to the left.

Can you take a guess at what they are doing?

They are waiting in line at a Best Buy in Richfield, Minnesota to buy a Play Station 3.

What a bunch of losers.

This was the picture, with accompanying story, on the FRONT PAGE of the Minneapolis Star and Tribune last Thursday, November 16th. Wow, that's some real news there, folks! These two dorks waited in line, camping out, for five days to be some of the first people to be able to buy the new video game system. There were similar scenes around the country and in West Bend, Wisconsin a man was injured while trying to get one of the systems at a Wal Mart.

He was running so fast and out of control that he slammed into a pole, head first, and had to be taken to a hospital.

The sight of this mouth breather running into a pole for a fucking video game is, I believe, an excellent metaphor for the United States of America in 2006. We are so dumb that we:

A. Elect a man like George W. Bush
B. don't care about 50 million people who have no health insurance
C. are ambivalent about thousands dying in Iraq and elsewhere in the world
D. are the fattest, stupidest, laziest bunch of slobs on the face of this earth.

Video games are fucking stupid. They are complete waste of time and if these morons that spend days waiting outside for a PS3 spent that time to make the world a better place....the world would be a better place.

I know that my children will be soooo thankful that all the gaming douche bags of the world have their priorities straight. It's a wonderful feeling to realize that the two dicks in the sleeping bags in their little chairs up top are going to be running the country some day. Wonderful.

So, as you sit down to devour your holiday bird, give thanks to the thousands of brain dead sycophants who have elected to waste their time staring at a TV and carrying out frighteningly violent and sick fantasies.

Thank You, Dumb Asses!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Some Small Hope For Neocons

Yes, it's been a bad week for neocons. Gettin' they shit smacked up and shit. But guess what? All of you single neocons have some hope.

A new dating service just opened up for you and I urge you to take full advantage of the support network offered here.

Here is their commercial

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

A Brief Letter

Dear Mr President,

I know you must feel pretty rotten right now. We have taken back the House and it looks like we are going to take back the Senate if the numbers hold in Virginia and Montana. The people have spoken and they don't like what you are doing in Iraq. With the exception of the kool aid drinkers you still have in the Sixth District in Minnesota, your cult of unreality is finished.

Thank goodness, because I feel that, as a human being, I could not have taken another month in which our brave men and women lost their lives simply because your only true conviction is that of your own vanity. So, I am making you a promise: Work with me and all will be well.

This is going to be difficult for you....actually following the law of our land and all by being overseen by Congress....not to mention having to listen to a woman....but I think you can do it. I think you really need to be my friend right now because I don't think you want to make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I am angry. I have subpoena power now.

So, in closing, think of all the good you will do when you finally lay down your sword of lies, deceit and violence and embrace what it truly means to be Christian:



Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi

Monday, November 06, 2006

One Day To Close

I had this great column planned for the last day before the election but my buddy Bill Maher took the words right out of my mouth.

Don't forget to vote tomorrow!

Friday, November 03, 2006

Once...Twice...Three Times a Thief

As I suspected, it has started. Republicans are doing their damnedest to rig another election. Greg Palast, author of Armed Madhouse, was a recent guest on the Stephanie Miller Show.

According to his report, it seems that some 3-4 million voters are already having trouble with their registrations. And, gosh, what a shock.....88% of them are from minorities and inner cities.

I still think the Democrats are going to take the House but I am going on record right now as saying that if the Republicans manage to hold onto the Senate it will be because of this bullshit....the same bullshit they pulled in 2000 and 2004.

Here is the mp3 for your listening pleasure:

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Maybe Kerry Was Right

See what happens if you don't study and are intelectually get stuck in February!!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Let's Not Get Distracted

I think that we all need to be reminded what is at stake next Tuesday.

And what kind of man John Kerry really is...