Tuesday, December 27, 2005

BEST OF 2005

Before we get to that moment of the year that you have all been waiting for, Mark's picks for the Best of 2005, I wanted to wrap up a few previous threads.

You may have noticed that Picture #4 won the Mark facial hair contest. This will be "columnist" picture from now on. Thanks for all your votes!

Many of my conservative friends have stated repeatedly on the posts and in conversations with me that I "hate" George Bush. It may sound like that and I will be the first to admit that I get carried away from time to time but I don't hate him. I hate his actions or inactions of the last five years.

If President Bush had not lost a spy plane over China, all of our allies, our budget surplus, ignored warning after warning (just as Clinton did) about Al Qaeda, continued to ignore warning after warning about Al Qaeda, ignored Iran, completely ignored the 9/11 commission's most important recommendations, and failed miserably in assisting the City of New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina then I would have to admit that he was a damn fine president.

I find that my anger is directed more towards the conservatives these days that defend President Bush much in the same way that liberals defend rapists and murderers. The same old tired line about it not being his fault, someone else made him do it all sounds the same to me. In looking ahead to 2006, I promise you that I will be taking these fuckers to the mat a lot more than our president.

And now on to the awards!

This year in television has never been better. Loads of creepy new shows like Surface and Invasion and a re-vamped Battlestar Galactica with chicks so hot that I have actually been aroused to the point of erection on more than once occasion. Who would have thought that I would ever want to fuck Starbuck? And the blond Cylon chick when she was bent over the table in the lab? Daddy's home......

It isn't all about sex, though. It's about humor and that's why the best show on TV is Arrested Development. Hands down. Oh my god this show is absolutely the funniest fucking thing I have seen in long time. The Bluths are the most dysfunctional family in the history of families. Love them!! The show pushes the limits of "appropiate" primetime viewing. They are currently in Season 3. Season 1 and 2 are available as DVD boxsets. I highly recommend this show.

Perhaps more great than the year in television was the year in music. I could list dozens of bands that just kicked ass up and down the calendar with great music but for now I am going to focus on two. The best song of 2005 is "I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor" by The Arctic Monkeys. These young lads from Sheffield have taken the UK by storm with this single. They play pounding mega Brit Pop that will blow you away. Full length is due in out in the UK on Jan 30, 2006. You can get it through Amazon UK.

But the year 2005 belonged to the biggest band in the world. Coldplay's new album, "X and Y" is absolutely the most wonderful thing I have heard in years. Every track is gorgeous but the one that really stands out is "Fix You" which will go down in history as one of the greatest pop songs of all time. The first time I heard it I quite literally welled up. These guys continue to amaze me and I hope they do for years to come.

This was a tough call for me this year. There were some really bad films and big disappointments this year. Star Wars III sucked, FF was horrible, and who really gives a shit about King Kong? I have seen this movie made over and over again. I know it is Peter Jackson (The Hobbitt now, please!) but if I want cool special effects, I'll just play the video game. Oh, wait. That's right. I am over the age of 12 and video games are FUCKING LAME!!!

So this year I decided that I would give my Best Film award to a person rather than a film because both of his 2005 offerings have been stellar. George Clooney has used his "hunkability" to bankroll intelligent, thought provoking films that would otherwise be unmade. He wrote and directed "Good Night and Good Luck," a film about the McCarthy era which has hauntingly parallel themes to the current political climate. And he stars in "Syriana," a film about oil and politics directed by Stephen Gaghan (Traffic). Gosh, I wonder where they got the idea to make this film? Some conservatives ignorantly dismiss it as liberal propaganda, but I thought it was more about how corporations control everything and politicians really don't control anything. I highly recommend both of these films.

What are your picks for 2005?

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Yet Another War

It is that time of year again. Hearts are filled with the warmth of the holidays and people around the world are sharing love and peace......

Except my pals on the right. Again.

They always have to be bunged up about something and this year, it's Christmas. Apparently, Mike Gallagher, Laura Ingraham and many members of the religious right feel that the evil kook liberals and their pals in the ACLU (Asshole Commies Leftly United) are HIJACKING THE HOLIDAYS. And, by gum, they want to put the Christ back in Christmas.

John Gibson, talk show host on Fox News, has even written a book about it entitled, "The War on Christmas: How the Liberal Plot to Ban the Sacred Christian Holiday is Worse than You Thought."

John, Laura, Mike and company want to make sure that, this holiday season, the only celebrating to be done is by Christians. After all, who are more important than Christians? They are the only ones going to heaven, y'know.

How dare the companies and retail operations in these blessed United States meekly wish people a Happy Holidays when they should just come out say Merry Christmas! Thinking of actually acknowledging another person's cultural beliefs is outrageous, egregious and downright un-American.

House Speaker Dennis Hastert, R-Ill., wants the "Capitol Holiday Tree" in Washington renamed the "Capitol Christmas Tree." Bishop Phillip Davis is urging his congregation at Nations Ford Community Church in Carolina to boycott stores that leave Christmas out of employee greetings, ads and holiday displays -- or ban Salvation Army bell-ringers. People like these and others have warned us of the coming onslaught of leftist commies that will destroy us all in the end.

They have even gotten to Wal Mart. Wal Mart! The great bastion of conservatism. To our left we see a warrior of Christ trying to defend himself in the face of the Luciferian onslaught.
"'Happy Holidays' and 'Season's Greetings' are not a substitute for 'Merry Christmas,"' said Manuel Zamorano, head of the Sacramento, California-based Committee to Save Merry Christmas, which organizes store boycotts over holiday advertising."Christmas is the holiday and 'Merry Christmas' is what we want to hear," he said. "It's political correctness gone amok."

That's right, Manuel. And it's all the ACLU's fault. They have gone crazy with that trying to protect all that Bill of Rights baloney. I am shocked, I tell you, SHOCKED that they even exist. All this talk of equality is making me sick. What happened to the good old days of making fun of the Jewish kid because he didn't believe in Santa?

"Every time you say 'Happy Holidays,' an angel gets AIDS," warned Jon Stewart, host of the Daily Show. And it's true. God is angry with all of us for not believing in him anymore. We have even done the unthinkable: held Tom DeLay, Bill Frist and others currently under indictment accountable to the law. How dare us!

So, this year, as you settle in to your favorite chair wearing you red sweater and drinking egg nog, remember that your pals on the right will be there to shove their version of the holidays down your throat and make you believe in Christmas the way Jesus did: spending large quantities of money on material things

Tuesday, December 13, 2005


Well well well. I guess someone else thinks the way I do. Actually, 5 Republican and 5 Democrat someone elses.

For months I have been writing and yelling about how inept the Bush Administration has been at fighting the War On Terror. I have stated repeatedly that there are other problems in the world that need our attention, not Iraq, and that he has made a mockery of our nation's defenses. I have pulled out what little hairs I have left on the top of my head when people who support Bush say that our country is safer because of him.

So, you think we are safer, huh? You think everything is just dandy that we have a "MAN" in the White House and not weenie liberal like Gore or Kerry? Bush is tough as nails and taking the fight to them, right?

(Loud buzzer sound) WRONG! Would you like to try your hand at Double Jepoardy where the stakes are really high?

The 9/11 commission released their report card last week and the grades were so bad that if the White House and the Republican controlled Congress were sons bringing home these notes they'd be on their way out to the fucking shed to get whupped. I can't begin to express to you the outrage I felt when the government received on "F" in the following categories:

Improve airline passenger pre-screening
Provide adequate radio spectrum for first repsonders
Allocate Home Security Funds based on risk
Declassify overall intelligence budget
Coalition standards for terrorist detention

Are you fucking kidding me? 4 years have gone by and we still haven't improved our airline screening? Great. Just great. And the first repsonders thing? Well, after New Orleans, I guess we all know how well federal first responders communicated.

And all this talk about how we have to beat the shit out of terrorists to save lives? Well, this commission said that that tactic has done more harm than good. It has actually given pause to countries that would've shared important intelligence with us. Super! Way to go, Don!

Hey, you think they F's are bad? How about the D's?

Maximum Effort by US to secure WMD
Support Reform in Saudi Arabia
Critical infastructure risks and vulnerabilities assessment
Checked Bag and Cargo screening
International collaboration on borders and document security
Incentives for Information sharing
Government wide information sharing
Privacy and Civil Liberties oversight
Guidelines for sharing personal information
Scholarship Exchange and library programs
Support secular education in Muslim countries
Intelligence oversight reform

You know what? Let's forget about everything but the first two. There are so many fuck-ups here that we should probably just focus on two of them.

The effort by the United States to secure WMDs has been a "D" level effort. Read that last sentence again, please, because I think you need to fully understand it. OK? According to the 9/11 commission, countering the greatest threat to America's national security is still not the top security priority of the President and Congress.

Help me out, conservatives. This is a bi-partisan group and they are saying that our leadership is not focusing on the most dangerous threat to us in our nation's history. Something is seriously not right here folks. Thomas Kean, the REPUBLICAN chair of the commission said that he is "frustrated by the lack of a sense of urgency in addressing these concerns."

He goes on to say, "While the terrorists are learning and adopting, our government is still moving at a crawl. Many obvious steps that the American people assume have been completed have not been. Our leadership is distracted."

In fact, some of the harshest critics are Republicans. James R. Thompson, former Illinois governor, said, "The American people ought to demand answers. Why aren't our tax dollars being spent to protect our lives? What's the rationale? What's the excuse? There is no excuse."

And what about reform in Saudi Arabia? Nah. Can't be that we are dropping the ball there. We all know what buddies we are with the Saudis. Just like at our beloved president holding hands with the Crown Prince Abdullah. You don't think that he would soft pedal the country that produced 15 of the 19 hijackers do you? What possible reason could he have to keep the kid gloves on? Hmm. Let me think about that one for awhile.......

To be fair, we did get one A. It was for disrupting the terrorist financial network. Well, our leadership does know a lot about money, that's for sure!

You know, people ask me all the time what I would do differently. They say that instead of bitching I should come up with a list of things I would do differently. Well, look no further than the items above. Let's start with those things, at least, for crying out loud. Can't we do better than a "D" or a "F" when it comes our nation's security?

Look at these people to the left. Look at their faces. These are the families of the victims of 9/11. This is going to be you or your family someday because we have a group of people running our country that are more concerned with protecting and growing corporate wealth than protecting and nuturing our children. These families of the victims of 9/11 can't believe that 4 years and a lot of bullshit later we are still right back where we were on Sept 10th. They can't believe that our government has failed to act on many of the commissions most important recommendations.

They can't believe that our leadership got 18 F's or D's in such an important undertaking!!

Do you know what I can't believe?

I can't believe that there are people out there defending the leaders of this country and their policies. I have never been more embarrassed and mortified in my life. What a fucking travesty!

And people are mad at Bush for waiting 7 minutes on Sept 11th to move from his chair? How about 4 years and counting!!??