Friday, December 29, 2006

The Last Post

This is my last post of the year. I was all set to put up my usual "Best of" for 2006 (it will be up next week) but I was inspired by a recent speech on the Senate floor.

The Republican Senator from Oregon, Gordon Smith, at the end of a "lame duck" session, stood up and spoke from his heart. He had just returned from a trip to Iraq and his words were poignant and straight to the point.

It's worth talking about for two reasons. The first is for me to be humble and admit that I was wrong. It's true. Not all Republicans have hearts black as the night and have the central goal of ruining my children's future.

The second reason is that the tide is finally turning. This complete and utter bag shit that we have all been in the last five years is finally showing some peaks of light. People on the right side of the aisle are starting to question President Bush, broaden their minds, and become people of good faith.

It is words like the ones below that make me feel something I haven't felt in long time.


"I have concluded that we are employing strategies that are needlessly getting kids killed."

"I, for one, am at the end of my rope when it comes to supporting a policy that has our soldiers patrolling the same streets in the same way, being blown up by the same bombs day after day,"

"That is absurd. It may even be criminal."

Gordon Smith (R) Oregon, December 7, 2006.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Well Well Well.....

"The most painful aspect of the presidency is the fact that I know my decisions have caused young men and women to lose their lives."

President George W. Bush

Dec 20, 2006

No fucking shit, Sherlock. And isn't that what I have been saying all along?

Monday, December 18, 2006

Smellin' Some Mo

Something must be going on. Three bits of complete and utter vindication in one week!!Normally, I am not one to say I told you so but....




In the great debate of whether or not our country is being run by regime similar to Hitler's Third Reich, I win and all of you "gee isn't everything wonderful and our country is soooo morally superior " naysayers lose.

Today, The New York Times published the story of two men named Donald Vance and Nathan Ertel. Please click here and read the story.

Wasn't that a pleasant tale?

Scanning through old posts and remembering dinner/bar conversations I have had with conservatives, I recall most of them saying that as long as Americans were not being hauled away and held without representation or trial that our country was not like Nazi Germany. Well, as I predicted, we actually are like that and I am thoroughly disgusted. These two men were wrongly accused and sentenced to jail for no good reason at all.....unless, of course, you count reporting to the FBI that illegal weapons trading has been going on in Iraq. Clearly, in the year 2006, Bush Co does not approve of people trying to do the right thing. Even when they are people who, more than likely, supported the war in the first place so they could make shitload of cash!!

No, no folks. As I have been saying all along, our current leadership will stop at nothing to cover up the shit they have done. We have become a nation of fear mongering buffoons who will go along with anything our government tells us. If anyone out there still believes that these people are "moral," I would seriously consider consulting a neuro surgeon to check for brain damage.

After reading the nauseating account of Donald Vance, I am left with this question: how many more of him are there? Languishing in prison for trying to do something right? And why has taken so long for the "liberal" media to report stories like this? Is it because Vance is the first white, Midwesterner to get fucked over by an ever growing fascist cabal?

Y'know, when the Democrats won last November and Bush looked like someone punched him in the gut, I was willing to try to be nice and work together. I had the insanely silly thought that maybe we could come to some sort of middle road on Iraq and move forward with a plan that benefits everyone.

But after Bush's obvious reluctance to listen to the ISG report and now this story...I think it is time to put the "I" word on the table again.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

That Sweet Smell

What's that I smell in the air? Ah, yes. It's that sweet smell of Markadelphia being totally vindicated. The FEC (Federal Election Commission) has ruled that Swift Boat Veterans and POWs for Truth will pay $300,000 in fines for violating campaign laws in the 2004 election. In the 2004 campaign, the group spent $20.4 million criticizing Kerry's military record in Vietnam. Much of the group's claims about Kerry's service were never substantiated (translation: they lied because they are a bunch of douchebags who will stop at nothing to retain power.)

It does my heart proud to see this group's feet in the fire for all the rotten crap they did two years ago. I recall bitching about it then and neocons saying to me (please imagine a voice similar to Biff from Back To The Future here), "Well, Kerry brought it up...his Vietnam's his own fault." Oh yeah, that's right. I forgot. Democrats can't serve their countries heroically because they are all cowards.


In addition, MoveON. Org and the League of Conservation voters were fined around $100,000 each for violating campaign laws which I also think is a good thing. The candidates should have to speak for themselves and be judged by their actions.

The other wonderful bit of vindication came from the agent of Joel Zumaya, relief pitcher for the Detroit Tigers. He admitted that one of the reasons he pitched so poorly against the Cardinals in the World Series was because his arm had muscle damage from.....playing video games too much. Apparently Zumaya plays PS2's Guitar Hero 4-6 hours a day.

What a constructive way to pass the time. Maybe he needs to order the shoulder straps they are making for Nintendo players. The New York Times reported yesterday that Nintendo is making a harness of some kind to prevent players from breaking TVs, ceiling fans, and other assorted furniture due to their exuberance and playing various video games.

Wow. What a wonderful place our country has become.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Grab Bag

It's high time for another Grab Bag...I hope you enjoy it

McFuck Off!!
A couple of weeks ago, I was out with a couple of my female friends clubbing. A hot guy walked by and one of the girls turned to turned to the other and said, "Whew! He is a Nasty McHottie!"

Would someone please explain to me the current desire people have to put "Mc" into every single flargin' dumb ass, cute little nickname?

McDreamy, McSteamy, McShasta.....I am going McCrazy here!!! Putting "Mc" in front of any sort of name, noun or any other word makes you sound like you....spend too much time at McDonalds. Please cease and desist with this ridiculous tomfoolery.

I don't think I can take it anymore.

No More Babies
Will all of you please join me in a letter writing campaign to every single TV news network to beg them to stop airing stories about couples who have quintuplets, sextuplets, septuplets or any other insanely silly amount of children at one time?

I am so underwhelemed (to the point of being ecstatic at finding a cure for insomnia) when I turn on the TV and see the latest story of two pasty mouth-breathers who have had 9 kids at once. And while we are at it, can we beg them to PLEASE stop airing conjoined twins stories. I didn't like it when Barnum made a spectacle out of them and I really don't like it now.

The Pace Car
Lately, I have noticed on our lovely highways a new phenemenon: the driver who takes maniacal glee in setting the pace for all of the rest of us. Traveling South on Shady Oak Road recently, a car pulled out in front of me from McDonalds (probably someone who uses "Mc" in cute little nicknames) and then proceded to make sure that he went 30 in a mickey frickin' 40. A line of cars built up behind me, with people honking, at which time he proceded to flip us all the bird. When it widened to two lanes, he purposely moved to stay in front of all of us and continue to go slow. He turned around several times to laugh at the seven or so cars in line. At first I thought he was just a psycho but I have since seen and heard of similar incidents. In fact, a friend of a friend said she enjoyed going slower in front of a bunch of people just to "slow everyone down and relax." I don't know about all of you but I really don't have the time to jack off in my car all fucking day so if you are a "Pace Car," you are a dick.

It's All In The Name
The Democrats should change their name. They should also declare that they are no longer "liberals" as that name has gotten so much bad PR. Their new name should be the Progressive Party of America and they should demand to be referred to as "humanists" and not liberals. All references to Democrats or liberals (and of course all the chiding) would become antiquated and a new paradigm would be born.

Neocons frustration level would be at an all time high. Think of Ann Coulter or Sean Hannity saying, "Well, the Democrats...oops, I mean the Progressives or whatever they are calling themselves now...have done it again with blah blah..." Most Americans would flip the channel before neoncons could even make their point...if they actually had one to begin with.....

The TU Brigade
And finally, sorry ladies, but the jig is up and I am on to you. ALL of you. Over my years of experience with the opposite sex, I have noticed that several of you have expressed a certain reticence with the "from behind" position also quaintly know as doggy style. Just so we are clear, by doggy style I mean vaginal sex from behind, not anal sex.

The universal excuse I have heard over the years is, "Well, I have what's called a tipped uterus so that position makes me uncomfortable." While a tipped uterus can be common in women, this simple fact (according to three doctors I polled along with several ladies) does not mean that doggy style sex should be or is uncomfortable. One particular women I polled has a tipped uterus and likes to have her ass pounded regularly in that position. It happens to be her favorite. Anyway, I am tired of hearing this baloney from you girls. Perhaps your man is too large or you are too tight but there is no medical reason, like a tipped uterus or anything else, for doggy style sex to be uncomfortable. There is, of course, the mental/emotional/psychological one:

The fact that you think you have a fat ass.

First of all, in my opinion, unless your ass is as big as the one pictured at left, chances are you have nothing to worry about. In fact, most women I know think that their butts are too big when, in fact, they look quite yummy to me. Interestingly, all of the women who have told me that they have tipped uteruses (and thus don't like doggy style) ALL have bigger butts which proves my theory to be true. I think that you girls have decided that we men are stupid and you could pull a fast one on us.

Well, we are stupid but that's not the point. You think that you can throw some fancy shmancy female anatomical wizardry at us and then we'll just give up the greatest position in the history of sex? Do you think we are just going to go along with that? Dude, seriously, you have got to get over that "I have a fat ass so I am going to tell a bunch of lies, bullshit and he is a dumb ass male so he will beleive me" thing. Enough with the dishonesty.

Stick that booty up in the air and let your fella rock out!! I can guarentee that he will love matter how "big"you think you are. So, sorry, gals, but it's not going to be that easy anymore. I pride myself on knowing more about female anatomy than every man I know and even most women. I am hear to tell everyone that having a tipped uterus does not automatically and anatomically mean that doggy style is uncomfortable. I will be singing this FACT to the highest mountains and shattering your little ploy of misinformation.

If you don't like to get fucked from behind, just say you don't like it. Or, better yet, talk to your man about why you don't like it and see if he is willing to lift up that left butt cheek with his right hand and put his left hand underneath to work that clit a little bit. This simple action will make you believe in God.

And then maybe then you can learn to enjoy that position.

Friday, December 08, 2006

The Gang Of Ten

Well, the Gang of Ten released their report about Iraq. I am sorry to inform all of you that things in Iraq are "grave and deterioring." The violence is worsening and broadening in its complexity and scope.

What the? Wait just a dol garn minute here. I thought that the media was only reporting the bad news. Do you mean to tell me that former Secretary of State James Baker, the man who singlehandedly ended the Cold War with a walk in the woods, could possibly know what he is talking about? Or any of the other members of the panel with a thousand years of foreign policy experience? Is it possible that these highly intelligent men have gotten it right?

Some interesting points that I thought came out of this report, followed by Markadelphia's usual sarcastic comments.

1. The United States must diplomatically engage other nations in the region such as Syria and Iran in order to help stabilize the situation in Iraq.

Aw, that's bullshit. I thought the WWE form of diplomacy we are currently engaged in was working so well. Dad gummit all, now we have to talk to those frikkin' firners again...I can't understand half of what they are sayin......we need to stick with the "let's pretend to be tough even though we don't really know what to do" approach. C'mon people!

2. The United States Army must increase its trainers from 2000 troops to 15,000 or 20,000 troops to assist the Iraqi Army?

And we haven't been doing this because.....?

3. Combat troops will be out of Iraq by 2008.

Well, it figures that a bunch of old farts and Defeatacrats would write this baloney. None of these people know what the hell they are doing anyway....

Folks, I have to say that I watched the whole presentation on CNN on Wednesday and felt completely and utterly vindicated. Everything that I have said on this blog has come true. President Bush looked like a little boy whose dad's pals just bailed him out of jail for drunk driving. His policy in Iraq has been a disaster from the very beginning and was a course we should not even have taken in the first place.

His initial reactions to the report reveal an attitude of...well, a nine year old boy. "I'm not gonna" is basically what he said to many of their recommendations. What a fucking joke. Is there anyone out there who has any respect for this guy anymore? Good lord...

Thankfully, people with intelligence and good character have come to our commander's and our country's rescue and we now have a plan to move beyond the deep shit we are in right now. Hopefully we are on a path to some sort of resolution. Of course, to hear the neocons sounding off all day on the radio on Thursday one would think that Hugo Chavez wrote the document. The fact that there are still people in this country that think that staying the course and things are fine in Iraq....well, I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised.

I look back on the last three and half years and see the neocon's web of unreality unspooling before our very eyes. Even Fox News has finally given up. The day the report was released they spent most of it on the Shuttle launch....which was eventually scrubbed.....what a riot!

Friday, December 01, 2006

Trouble In River City!!!!

Oh no. It has to come to this. Evangelicals are fighting amongst themselves.

It seems that the Christian Coalition of America elected a new President named Dr. Joel Hunter.
Upon his election, Dr. Hunter, a senior Pastor at the Northland Church Group in Florida, had the audacity to........wait for it...... speak of his desire to want evangelicals to follow the path of Jesus Christ more closely. Y'know, that whole bit in the Gospels about serving the poor and maintaining a clean environment.....the stuff that Jesus actually talked opposed to the "let's kill all the fags" and "enslave the whores" parts of the scripture that don't exist at all.

Well, you can imagine what happened after that. Lawdy! Lawdy Lawdy! It was chaos. The Alabama chapter of the Christian Coalition quit. The Mississippi chapter threatened to quit. Some Christian conservatives quietly supported Dr. Hunter but were afraid to speak case they got branded a....LIBERAL! Jerry Falwell, and other evangelicals, fretted over the fact that if Christian Conservatives began allying themselves with these left wing causes, they could...(tearful sniffing here) be brainwashed and brought into the evil cabal of liberalism.

So, the Board of Directors of the Christian Coalition forced Dr. Hunter to step down and now they have to go and elect a whole new that will continue to make up a bunch of shit that Jesus never said and act as God's official mouthpiece on moral judgement.

In a recent interview on CNN, Dr. Hunter spoke of his vision of Christianity in America. He truly wants people to focus on serving the poor (gasp!) and improve the environment (Oxygen! I need oxygen! Can someone get me some O2?). He feels that enough has been said and done about gay marriage and abortion. Christians around the world need to broaden their perspective and look to Christ for guidance. Please click here to watch the full interview:

Dr. Hunter on CNN

My message to the board at the Christian Coalition and the people that support them:

Your party is just about over.