Showing posts with label The Onion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Onion. Show all posts

Monday, April 06, 2015

Just In Case

Man Always Carries Gun In Case He Needs To Escalate Situation

“I never leave home without my Glock, because you just don’t know when someone might mouth off to you in a bar and leave you with no choice but to turn a minor altercation into a tense life-or-death scenario,” said Donner, noting that he keeps his loaded weapon in a hip holster should the need arise for him to respond quickly, and with deadly force, when he is angered by a perceived slight.

Some satire that is a little too close to home...

Monday, February 11, 2013

Not Fake

62-Year-Old With Gun Only One Standing Between Nation And Full-Scale Government Takeover

Bailey, who keeps his gun on his person at all times and regularly patrols his property in his truck, has reportedly struck dread into the very highest-ranking members of the U.S. government. According to sources, top government and military officials are fully aware that they remain unable to commence with their oppressive, systematic subjugation of the American populace as long as the 62-year-old owner of a rifle exists. 

I guess The Onion stopped running fake news stories...

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Good Grief

Floridians Want to Know: Is This Onion Article Real?

Many local inboxes and Facebook pages received versions of a viral email saying that Obama's rarely seen son Luther, "a shy slightly overweight teen who has lived all of his life with his mother in central Illinois," appeared with the president on the convention stage. The relationship between the two is described in the email as "somewhat distant and occasionally strained."

Like I said, they are going to get worse...

Tuesday, May 08, 2012

Sadly, Not Really A Farce

All Of Area Man's Hard Work Finally Pays Off For Employer

 "There were definitely some nights I'd lie awake in bed and wonder, 'Is Sam absolutely killing himself day in and day out for nothing?'" Pardahee told reporters while driving to his weekend home in a recently purchased 2012 BMW luxury sedan. "But Sam just put his head down and never looked back, and this year his blood, sweat, and tears have proven profitable to the tune of a 15 percent larger bonus for myself."

Friday, January 28, 2011

Friday Funnies

Between Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert and the Onion, do we really need MSNBC or Fox News any more? The way that humor and sarcasm have come to define political analysis is quite fascinating these days.

The Onion has always spared no one from its wrath and a recent issue is no exception.

Congress Honors 9/11 First Capitalizers

"It is high time we paid tribute to those who sensed the direness of the moment and immediately sprang into action on that terrible day, exploiting it for personal gain," Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) said Tuesday. "These were the thoughtless men and women who selfishly showed us that in desperate times, the most callous among us will always be there to step forward and do whatever it takes to get a piece of the action."

It would be more amusing if it wasn't exactly true.