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He took away cable TV until he found out there was a federal court order that required cable TV for jails. So he hooked up the cable TV again only allowed the Disney channel and the weather channel. When asked why the weather channel he replied, so they will know how hot it's gonna be while they are working on my chain gangs. He cut off coffee since it has zero nutritional value. When the inmates complained, he told them, "This isn't the Ritz/Carlton.If you don't like it, don't come back."
He bought the Newt Gingrich lecture series on videotape that he pipes into the jails. When asked by a reporter if he had any lecture series by a Democrat, he replied that a democratic lecture series might explain why a lot of the inmates were in his jails in the first place.
The response at the end of the email was:
Way to go, Sheriff! Maybe if all prisons were like this one there would be a lot less crime and/or repeat offenders. Criminals should be punished for their crimes - not live in luxury until it's time for their parole, only to go out and commit another crime so they can get back in to live on taxpayers money and enjoy things taxpayers can't afford to have for themselves.
The email left out the fact that, according to the Phoenix Times, Sheriff Joe "was once Arizona's most popular politician. But his popularity is plummeting as the public learns details of horrendous jail conditions, reckless police operations and Gestapo-like activities against political rivals. "
He also seems to have a habit of having a perfectly prepared statement anytime a camera or microphone is aimed in his direction. And a closer look at Maricopa County's rate of repeat crimes shows that it is among the worst in the country. But hey, who am I to argue with the reality that this email has created?
Ah, conservative fear-mongering and paranoia. It is soooo grounded in fact and reality it's almost hard to question, isn't it? I guess my first question is this: does Chet feel that because I am a "liberal" (whatever that means), that I am FOR crime? Apparently he thinks that Democrats across the country are holding hands with convicts, supplying them with baby oil and porn, and making sure that all victims of crimes are actually the ones punished.
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(whatever that means)? It is because of this complete sack of bullshit email that was sent to me last month. Pardon me while I LAUGH MY ASS OFF FOR THE REST OF THE SUMMER AT THIS COMPLETELY FUCKING IGNORANT, MOUTH-BREATHING POINT OF VIEW!!!
Chet, I hate to be the one to inform you of this but if you want to know why criminals are "running free" take a look in the fucking mirror. As I write this article, if someone is caught with an ounce or more of marijuana, they will serve mandatory prison time up to 25 years with NO eligibility for parole. If someone rapes or beats a woman, it is more than likely that they will be out of prison in less than two years, if they even go in at all, and this is according to the Hennepin County Sheriff's office. This is based on federal laws that were made by people that YOU voted for, Chet; CONSERVATIVE lawmakers and their leadership who don't want the drug trade interfering with their own drug business (aka the Pharmaceutical Industry).
So, just to recap: smoking a joint and listening to The Beatles: BAD! Time for prison, pal! Raping and beating the shit out of a woman: NOT AS BAD! Time off for good behavior. Oh, and how was she, by the way?
But, hey, you know what? I thought that maybe I should give Chet the benefit of the doubt so I decided to find out how our society was really treating convicted criminals in our very own state of Minnesota. I sauntered into my local police department and had a conversation with a sergeant there whom I will call Smith.
Sgt. Smith explained to me that the conditions in most prisons in Minnesota and around the country were actually quite unpleasant. (Gasp!) In addition to confirming that the items I mentioned in the first paragraph really do happen, he cited small, unwashed cells, disgusting clothes and laundry as well as harsh treatment of prisoners. When I asked him if the Democrats were at fault for all the criminals running around, he laughed and said that maybe crime would really be over in this country if our leadership in Washington would set a better example.
And his comment gave me a great idea.
Chet, maybe you, Joe Arpaio, and I have more in common than I thought. I have three perfect candidates for Sheriff Joe's prison camp:
![](http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6279/768/320/donr.0.jpg)
![](http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6279/768/320/cheney2.jpg)
![](http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6279/768/320/bushavecfist.jpg)
That's right, folks. Our president, vice president, and secretary of defense could all benefit from a stint in Sheriff Joe's prison to ponder the errors of their ways. The long days spent on a chain gang in 138 degree weather in pink shorts and eating green bologna would offer them time to reflect upon their crimes of negligent homicide, conspiracy to commit murder, theft, bribery, libel, and purgery. Rather than the Newt Gingrich videos, perhaps the staff of the tent prison could broadcast images such as this one:
![](http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6279/768/320/haditha.0.jpg)
While the Marines involved clearly are responsible for these actions, our leadership sent them there in the first place. They put them in this position and they are the ones that are ultimately responsible for this atrocity.
What's that you say? The ol' liberal, Bush-hater Mark spouting off again?
Well, maybe we should ask Sergeant Smith's opinion. He told me that apparently, and this totally whackey, dude, but, hypothetically speaking, if Bob hires Jeff to go steal a can of gas from Jim and, in the course of the robbery, Jeff kills Jim then Bob is also guilty of murder. Huh. Imagine that.
So, Sheriff Joe, are you reading this? And can you do it without moving your lips? I have some new customers for you. Their names are George, Dick, and Don. I think they will fit in nicely with the rest of the murderers and thieves, don't you?
Wait. The image of a sweaty Dick Cheney in pink shorts eating a green bologna sandwhich came into my head.....hee hee...hoo hoo.....BWA HAH HAH AH AH....hey, maybe Sheriff Joe could teach him how to handle a gun! Hee Hee.......