Breaking News: Rafael ("Ted") Cruz Releases Birth Certificate

Remember all the hoo hah about President Obama's birth certificate, and that he couldn't be president because some nuts on the right insisted he was born in Kenya, even though every single iota of physical evidence, from birth certificates issued by the state of Hawaii to birth notices in the newspaper indicated that Obama was an American born in America?

Now Ted Cruz, a Texas Republican and Tea Party darling, has been forced to release his birth certificate. And the document not only proves that he was born in a foreign country, but also that his father was from Cuba (and, incidentally, he fought alongside Fidel Castro in the revolution)! Incredibly, Cruz also continues to hold dual citizenship in Canada and the United States. Where do his real loyalties lie? Is he secretly beholden to the queen of England?

Cruz's mother happens to be American, but that meant nothing to the millions of birthers out there who insisted that Obama couldn't be an American even if his mother was. As it turns out, Cruz is even less American than the president.

The other piece of important information that we learned from this birth certificate is that Cruz's real name is Rafael. So, all you birthers out there, listen up: you have derisively called Obama "Barry" for years. It is now your duty to harangue Cruz with your every breath, calling him "Rafi" and "Rafaelito" at every opportunity.

On a serious note, this does not disqualify Cruz from being president. But it's patently ridiculous that nitwits like Orly Taitz have kept the birth certificate brouhaha alive for years. The craziest thing about her is that she was -- I kid you not -- born in the Soviet Republic of Moldavia!

Which gives her absolutely zero standing for questioning just how "real" an American the president or Cruz or any other US citizen is.