Holiday Rant

Folks, when we talk about the "holidays," it's Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's. Other days in the calendar year are not "holidays." They are posers...pretenders to the throne of what are the actual fucking holidays. Here's a handy guide to help you understand...

1. Thanksgiving (the best holiday-food, family, football, laziness)
2. Christmas (Santa, sleigh bells, winter wonderlands, gifts, Jesus, if you are Christian)
3. New Year's Day (party, go out if you are cool, stay in if you lame and trying to be trendy)

That's it. There are no other holidays. When we say "the holidays," these are them.

Next we move on to days of observance which are very important in both a civic and religious way but aren't holidays in what should be the definition of the word. They should not EVER be referred to as "the holidays."

Civic
1. Veteran's Day
2. Memorial Day
3. Labor Day
4. 4th of July
6. Dr. King's day
7. President's Day

Religious
8. Easter
9. Rosh Hashanah
10. Yom Kippur
11. Ramadan
12. Diwali

This category could use an addition as well-Voting Day. It should be a national day of observance with everyone given the day off. But again, not a holiday.

Halloween is a children's holiday...as in, LITTLE children. If you are an adult that dresses up like a slutty __________ or goes to bars in some sort of douchey, ironic costume, it's time to grow the fuck up. If Halloween is your favorite holiday, re-evaluate your life.

Drunken bar festives like St Paddy's Day and Cinco De Mayo are complete and utter bullshit. How many more bar holidays must we have?

Next, we have a massively irritating list of what I think are bullshit, made up nonsense days that need to go away.They should also not EVER be referred to as "the holidays."

1. Valentine's Day-frame job by high maintenance partners who are massively insecure.
2. Mother's Day and Father's Day-shouldn't we honor our parents every day?
3. Columbus Day-racist and imperialist bullshit
4. Flag Day-really?
5. Arbor Day-WTF?

Finally, we've started to see a trend lately of new holidays trying to worm their way in...things like Donut day and Pizza day. The last thing this country needs is more days to stuff our faces.This shit needs to end yesterday.

Don’t let people in this country define what a holiday is. Stay strong, people!