Stomach...hurts....too much laughter

From Matt Taibi of Rolling Stone Magazine

Following the Republican Party of late has been a movingly depressing experience, sort of like watching Old Yeller die — if Old Yeller were a worm-infested feral bitch who spent the past eight years biting children at bus stops and shitting in neighborhood swimming pools. As a useful force in American politics, the Republicans have been dead for a while now. But in the seven months since Sarah Palin's nomination, they have taken on an intriguing new role: providing much-needed comic relief during dark times, serving as the unofficial rodeo clowns of the Financial Crisis Era.

NEWSFLASH!

This just in...

Jesus Christ would have approved of water boarding.

That's right folks. I've taken an informal poll of my conservative friends (not last in line as he is currently the star of Salsa Tonight!) and they all agree that, in addition to carrying an assault rifle, if Jesus were alive today, water boarding would've have been just dandy with him. I guess they really don't get the meaning of these passages.

Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

(Matthew 5: 9-10)

Last In Line...Salsas!

For those of you who wanted to know what Last In Line looks like, here he is in all his glory. Of course, I'm sure many of you thought that when you first did see him that it wouldn't be like this!

Looks pretty good, doesn't he?

Words of Wisdom

My friend Gina just posted this on her FB page. Very astute and quite accurate.

The meaning of "communism" and "socialism" has been thrown out there so much to describe so many things that it is really now meaningless. What does it mean to say that Obama is a socialist? First, get the definition of that correct, and then offer up the proof. Raising taxes is not "socialist." Requiring banks who take TARP money to hold to certain rules is not socialist.

We've never been an unrestricted free market. The govt has always attached strings to its funding. The interstate/highway funding of each state is contingent (partially) on the state having a drinking age of no less than 21. It's been that way for many years now. Is that socialist? I mean, who is the fed govt to tell the states what laws they have to make? But if they give the funding, they can make it contingent on following their rules.

Obama has not even advocated repealing the bush tax cuts yet. And he proposes a modest increase in the upper tax bracket percentage, back to where it was under Clinton.

The sky hardly fell then. The hyperbole and hysteria of certain right wing people is just getting to be too much- like the boy who cried wolf. It's not being taken seriously. There has been much government intervention over the years- our country was not a libertarian free for all with no taxes and no restrictions before Obama took office.

And yet some people are acting like Obama is going to confiscate not only our money, but our guns and our houses and perhaps put us in concentration camps. We need a little perspective and some knowledge of history. And when we pay taxes, it is not OUR money being stolen from us. WE are the govt, WE elect these people, WE decide as part of the social contract that we need to pay taxes for the common good. We are not just a nation of individuals, every man for himself. Admittedly there's govt waste and incompetence, and that should be addressed. But different issue.

Worth 1000 Words

Suddenly he's not a socialist.

Last Thursday, President Obama unveiled a new plan to bring high speed rail to the United States in full force. While the 8 billion that is initially going to be spent is small change compared to what really has to be done, it is a start. As he made the announcement and discussed how it would benefit trade and our economy, I was reminded of President Eisenhower's plan for a national highway system.

At the time, the wealthiest people in this country were taxed at a whopping 91 percent of their income and some of that money went to build the infrastructure that built highways like Interstate 35 that runs from Duluth in my home state all the way down to Texas. Imagine that...a Republican using the government to make the economy better.

Of course, that would never happen today as it is quite clear to 58 million Americans that President Obama is going to "drag us into that European cesspool of socialism" as a conservative friend of mine recently reminded me. That number of 58 million just got a little smaller, though, as a friend of mine's railroad products company (his dad owns the company and he sits on the board of directors) has suddenly seen the light. Most everyone there has been pretty right wing and very much Obama loathers...that is until last Thursday.

As if out of someone's ass (where it all started to begin with), President Obama is a great guy! And not a socialist at all...

Teabags and Traitors

Well, well, well...it certainly has been quite an interesting few days, hasn't it? I know this sounds cliche but it really has ALL BEEN BUILDING TO THIS.

My posts over the last week or so have been around the general theme of how entertaining the right has become since they got their asses handed to them in the last election. They started off as their usual peptic selves and have since boiled over into a hilarious combination of insanity and paranoia spewing forth heretofore unfathomable lies and deceit. What has caused them to get this way?

First up is tax day (April 15th)...always a day to rile up conservatives. I want my money, damnit! But I also want a strong defense, smooth roads, and someone to take care of me when I am shitting my pants at age 80. Ah, the hyperbole.....

This year, in a sad attempt to find some galvanizing event to coalesce into something resembling a party, they have glommed on, much to the chagrin of real Libertarians who despise Republicans spending as much as they do Democrats spending, to the various "Tea Parties" being thrown around the nation to protest against President Obama's tax policies and his....socialism?

(Mark leaves computer area and walks into family room. Finds pillow with which to muffle copious amounts of laughter)

First of all, this year they would actually be protesting the tax policies of President Bush, not President Obama, who passed 2009 laws in 2008. Second, President Obama is more than likely going to wait to raise taxes on the top percent of this country AFTER Bush's tax cuts expire in 2010...which means that won't actually happen until 2011. He is doing this because, contrary to the belief in psycho-ville, he does have conservative economists advising him. And, third, socialism? Ok...um...fucksticks? Please do a little research. The current tax rate in the upper bracket is 36 percent. Under President Obama's plan it would increase to 39 percent. JESUS H JOHNSON!! If that's not socialism, then I don't know what is!! Anyone want to take a guess what it was Reagan? Nixon? Eisenhower? 50, 70, and 91 percent!

Oh...no...that's going to leave a mark.

The fact is that the progressive tax was put into play by a Republican (Teddy Roosevelt) first because he called it the "fair and right thing to do...to spread the wealth." Imagine if ol' Teddy were around today...he would be taken out back and shot in the head by his own party.

And then we have the Department of Homeland Security Report which has right wing pundits blowing the biggest bowel since Hoover dropped his last deuce in office. The report (which should be titled "No Shit") says that "right-wing extremists have capitalized on the election of the first African American president, and are focusing their efforts to recruit new members, mobilize existing supporters and broaden their scope and appeal through propaganda, but they have not yet turned to attack planning," the assessment reads.

"The current economic and political climate has some similarities to the 1990s when right-wing extremism experienced a resurgence fueled largely by an economic recession, criticism about the outsourcing of jobs and the perceived threat to U.S. power and sovereignty by other foreign powers.," it continues.

The report also points to returning veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan as potential targets for recruiting saying that their combat skills would be welcome in such groups. It urges more support and funding for veterans so as to avoid "the difficulty of veterans to reintegrate into their communities that could lead to the potential emergence of terrorist groups or lone wolf extremists capable of carrying out violent attacks."

It goes on to say that "proposed imposition of firearms restrictions and weapons bans likely would attract new members into the ranks of right-wing extremist groups ... The high volume of purchases and stockpiling of weapons and ammunition by right-wing extremists in anticipation of restrictions and bans in some parts of the country continue to be a primary concern to law enforcement."

This report has prompted cries of outrage from the right. All of you will have to excuse me for a moment....

(Mark leaves computer area and walks outside. His neighbors ask him if he needs any help as he is LAUGHING HIS FUCKING ASS OFF SO HARD THAT HE HAS PHYSICALLY LOST CONTROL OF HIMSELF.)

Setting aside the obvious and highly humorous fact at how many right wingers these days act and sound like Al Qaeda (remember English translation of Al Qaeda is "the base":)), what I find to be outrageously ironic about this is how many of these folks spent months screaming about Bill Ayers and now, when DHS gets a flood of new threats from right wing extremists every day...threats that we are not privy to...threats that make Ayers look like an eight year old with a green water pistol...and we have a sitting Congress person calling for people to be "armed and dangerous" THEY HAVE THE GALL TO CRY "FASCISM?!?

Perhaps they might want to stop listening to dolts like Michelle Malkin and ACTUALLY TAKE A LOOK AT REALITY. They will see, as I did last July, that the chief concern under the subject heading Domestic Terrorism comes from their side of the aisle not the left...and has for the last 15 years. Take a look at the fucking facts. Make sure you read the first comment directly after my post which entirely proves my point.

The last time I checked it was illegal to make a threat on the president's life. This happens all the time in koolaidville. The frenzy and anger that has been whipped up by the right is absolutely unparalleled at this particular point in time. They are out of their minds with the fact that President Obama might actually succeed at what he is doing. If he does, their entire belief system is going to shatter. And to them, their lives will be over. They simply can't deal with this.

If you don't believe me, here's a little story for you. I am friends with a doctor named Sam. Sam and I work out at the same gym. He is very conservative. Last summer, right before candidate Obama was to give his speech in Denver at Mile High Stadium, a group of right wing extremists were foiled in an attempt to kill him. My friend Sam, a well respected kidney specialist here in Minneapolis...a man who has dedicated his life to saving people...came up to me as I was on the treadmill and said, "Today is a sad day." He looked really down and, thinking that something horrible had happened, I asked him what exactly was wrong.

He pointed to the TV, which had images of the redneck fucks who were planning on killing Obama and said,

"Those guys failed at their mission to save this country."

Everyone...Quick! Be afraid...

I'm sure that all of you are happy at the end of the standoff between Somali "pirates" and the US military. Captain Phillips is back safe and the bad guys are dead.

Or...are they?

Dum Dum Dah!

Pick up any newspaper (while they are still around) or flip on any channel and you will see the "liberal" media reporting that the cohorts of the "pirates" vow revenge. Oooo.....

THEY'S A COMIN'!!! THEY'S A COMIN' MA....quick, hide the white women!

And the culture of fear rolls merrily along...:)

Rush Limbaugh - Brainwashed Nazi

This one is so good I can hardly stand it.

And it makes me happy to hear that not all Republicans have lost their minds.

And the hits just keep on coming...

Not one to prove my wrong regarding how entertaining the conservative base has become, Michelle Bachmann (thankfully not my congressional representative) has accused Democrats and even fellow Republicans of starting re-education camps in the form of the new bill to expand Americorps.

In addition to the obvious question--what color is the sky in their world?--one must seriously wonder what the fuck goes on inside the heads of people that think this way. Americorps is similar to the Peace Corps in which volunteers serve their country for a summer helping to better our nation's communities.

Orin Hatch (R-Utah) is one of the bill's co-sponsors and has gone on record in saying that Bachmann's ravings on this matter are complete nonsense. You can add this bit of nonsense to her last shriek about cap and trade, in which she said that Americans would be paying 3K extra in taxes.

Complete bullshit. Here are the facts.

I'm waiting for the story (coming soon to a TV near you) in which someone like Bachmann or Glenn Beck shoots a "commie liberal"in the head, justifies it by saying that it was their patriotic duty, and 38 million people believe them.

Worth A Thousand Words

Huh. I guess the troops do like our new president after all:)

Check It Out!

Check out my friend Pete's music blog. Pete is one of the very few people I know that has equal or better musical taste than myself:). I post there on a semi irregular basis (new post by me today) and you MUST make it a daily read.

Bill Maher on Glenn Beck

This is the whole New Rules segment from last Friday. Forward to 1:50 and check it out. It sums up the right's hyper over exaggeration to a tee!

Armed and Hilarious

Hailing from my home state of Minnesota, Republican Michelle Bachmann has been making quite a scene these days. I think we all remember her very special interview with Chris Matthews in which she called our current president "un-American." To be completely fair, though, Matthews (just like Katie Couric did with Sarah Palin) is a fascist liberal faggot who had the audacity to (gasp!)...ask her questions. So it really wasn't her fault and that's why she has never apologized for it.

Remember...conservatives...never wrong...always right!

It should come as no surprise to anyone that she is now advocating an armed insurgency, proving me right yet again that conservatives seem to view all things through the lens of violence. Speaking out against cap and trade a couple of weeks back, Bachmann said she wants Minnesotans "armed and dangerous on this issue of the energy tax because we need to fight back."

Hmm...now let me see if I have this straight. Conservatives spent months talking about William Ayers, Weather Underground, and their ties with the supposed "radicalness" of Barack Obama and yet who are the ones that continue advocating insurgency?

Meanwhile, Sarah Palin, talking a break from creating a list of books to be banned in her quickly fading fairy tale of being the queen, is-OMG-like sooo pissed off and stuff because of what Levi dished on Tyra so she went to her BFFs at People Magazine and set the record straight.

Is it just me or does the conservative movement get more entertaining every day?

Obama French Town Hall Meeting 4/3/2009 Pt5

This was the question I was talking about yesterday. Pay attention to the final point...fucking money.

Clear and to the Point

President Obama gave a town hall meeting today in Strasborg, France today. During the course of the Q and A , he took a question regarding terrorism. In his answer , he gave the most concise and compelling argument against torture (and...huh...without a teleprompter thus blowing the latest in a series of lame and borderline bizarre criticisms of our president).

He said

Our security and our values are not in contradiction.

This sums up exactly how I feel about the use of torture in our conflict against extremism. It doesn't work. We can maintain the values that we have as a nation when it comes to the dignity of human life and still protect our country. My grandfather proved it in World War II when, rather than treating human beings as animals as the Japanese did, we offered them food and clothing in exchange for information (that the readily gave up) which lead to winning the war. Let me say this again for the deaf fuckers that read here...WE WON THE WAR. And we did not stoop to the levels that Japanese did in order to win.

As President Obama went on to say, we cannot allow Al Qaeda to use things like Abu Ghraib or Gitmo as a recruiting tool. We need to take away as many notions as we can that we are ANYTHING like these psychotics. We aren't. We need to lead by example and I thank God that finally we have a president who represents those values in abundance and is now taking that message to the rest of the world.

I'll put up some clips of the event over this weekend.

Then Stop Acting Like It!

'member back in the campaign when the right blew a bowel after Barack Obama made the comment about "clinging to their guns and their religion?"

Check this out.

Discussion over.

Oh, Dick.....Dick, Dick, Dick

There has been much chiding of myself in comments regarding the idea that I can't "move on" from the Bush Cheney years. It's a nice little fantasy that the right, in typical fashion, has manufactured against the left in the pitiful attempt to deflect attention away from their criminal activities and complete incompetence of the last eight years. "See? He can't let go!" is their cry and it has played out on this blog just as it has in all of the rest of the media.

My initial response was that it is quite foolish of anyone, regardless of their political stripes, to simply ignore the effects of any administration's policies (bad or good) and pretend they never happened. The effects of what Dick and George did to this country will be felt for decades if not longer. So, sorry, but I will be continuing to talk about them along with the all of the latest and greatest current events which, to anyone who actually takes the time to think, have a large degree of relevance to decisions President Bush made.....SIX MONTHS AGO!

Of course, the truly funny part about all of this (and helping me out immensely) is that they don't want to go away either. Cheney, Rice, McCain et al have been hitting all the major chat shows over the last month so to say that the left won't "let it go" is quite hilarious....and hypocritical which shouldn't surprise anyone. What is even more funny is that our former VP, in his latest round of media appearances, may have fucked himself......really fucked himself. And I am here to tell all of you that I love it.

From CSM.

Crusading Spanish human rights judge Baltasar Garzón is now considering criminal charges against top Bush administration officials for the torture of five Spanish citizens held at Guantánamo Bay, Cuba. Judge Garzón's previous prosecution of Gen. Augusto Pinochet eventually resulted in the Chilean dictator's arrest in Britain.

OH NO HE DI-ENT!

So funny that I think I actually laughed off one of my testicles is the fact that none of the men named in Garzon's investigation may have to say a fucking thing about Cheney because Cheney himself WON'T FUCKING SHUT UP ABOUT IT!! In all of his interviews that he has given since his departure from DC, Dick has made it a point to essentially state that torture makes our country safer. In particular, President Obama's new policies (see: closing of Gitmo) have made our country prone to attack. "We must torture," he cries at the top of his lungs, "it worked for us!"

His family may want to to try to get him to check his ego in the lobby before he enters the theater and shut his fucking mouth because our ol' Buddy Richie might find hisself in the hoosegow. As of yet, Richard Bruce Cheney has not been named but Gonzalez and Yoo have been. How long do you suppose it will be before they start flapping their gums, as many top Bush administration officials already are about how frequently torture was used and, sadly, how none of it yielded any useful information? Could it be the we could see a time in the near future when former administration officials won't be able to travel due to fears of being arrested for war crimes? Hoo boy...I can't wait to see the right spin themselves out of this one which we all know they will:)

In sum, good readers, I wanted to go on record and make all of you a promise: as long as Dick's only conviction is his own vanity, I am going to talk about what he says on this blog. It might be a tough nut for some of you to swallow but, as our current president begins representing our country at this week's G-20 summit in London, the rest of you can probably see that we really have a lot of 'splainin' to do, Lucy!

Yep

I think cartoonist Victor Juhasz pretty much sums up our current state with this one. It goes along with the post below.

Here They Are

Chuck Woodsy, conservative poster on this blog, recently pointed me in the direction of the following this article and this list regarding how we got to this point in our economy. Chuck has now seen the light of day regarding what happens when the free market is allowed to butt fuck all of us sans lube.

The list of the Dirty Dozen intrigues me the most. Why? Because it neatly and clearly shows the actual people responsible for fucking over America as opposed to the "evil spirits" the right has manufactured out of their asses to jibe with their paranoid beliefs about "gubmint." Only two on the list are government officials (Rubin and Paulson) with two more being part of quasi government agencies (Greenspan and Cox). All four of these men were completely worthless and drank the free market Kool Aid.

A fifth is Phil Gramm, former Republican Senator from Texas who was the Senate Banking Chair from 1995-2000. Intelligent minds think alike as the list mentions Gramm-Leach-Bliley (as I have repeatedly) as being a major catalyst to our current situation. Strangely absent from the list is Barney Frank, the right wingers favorite whipping boy. Sorry righties. Frank may be a putz and a buffoon but he has nowhere near the power to do what has been done. Neither does our government for that matter.

But the rest of the list does. They are all CEOs of the biggest financial institutions in our government and I'd love to hear what all of you think after you read what they did. Take a look at people like Cassano, Weill, and Cayne. What is the difference between these fucks and Bernie Madoff? Zero. They were allowed by the dicks mentioned above as well as Presidents Clinton and Bush to rape and pillage as many villages as they could get their grubby mits on and destroy.

And righties? Please try to bring your "it's all the government's regulations" horse shit to the table now. It's always been weak to begin with and now all it does is further the point that you have absolutely nothing to offer anymore which essentially makes future Democratic victories in coming election years more likely.