The Real Reason the Mooch Had to Go

The Mooch is out:

President Trump on Monday removed Anthony Scaramucci from his position as communications director, the White House announced, ousting him just days after Mr. Scaramucci unloaded a crude verbal tirade against other senior members of the president’s senior staff.

“Anthony Scaramucci will be leaving his role as White House Communications Director,” Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the White House press secretary, said in a statement. “Mr. Scaramucci felt it was best to give Chief of Staff John Kelly a clean slate and the ability to build his own team. We wish him all the best.”

Mr. Scaramucci’s abrupt removal came just 10 days after the wealthy New York financier was brought on to the West Wing staff, a move that convulsed an already chaotic White House and led to the departures of Sean Spicer, the former press secretary, and Reince Priebus, the president’s first chief of staff.

Just this morning Trump tweeted: "Highest Stock Market EVER, best economic numbers in years, unemployment lowest in 17 years, wages raising, border secure, S.C.: No WH chaos!"

This looks pretty chaotic to me. By all accounts Trump loved the Mooch just last week: Scaramucci did everything the Trump way. The Mooch was so good at being Trump that many had already started calling the Mooch Trump's "Mini Me." He even had Trump's gesticulations down cold. So why was he fired?

Mr. Trump was initially pleased by Mr. Scaramucci’s harsh remarks, directed at Mr. Priebus and Steve Bannon, the chief White House strategist. But over the weekend, after speaking with his family and Mr. Kelly, the president began to see the brash actions of his subordinate as a political liability and potential embarrassment, according to two people familiar with his thinking.

This makes Trump look crazy for inciting a food fight between his employees. Even worse, he appears ridiculously stupid and weak: his short attention span and renders him incapable of making decisions that stick for more than a few days. Picking the Mooch was always a catastrophically bad choice. The entire episode makes Trump look irrational and senile, like some doddering old man who spent a thousand bucks on miracle hair restorer he saw advertised on Fox News, who then has to enlist his children to call Mastercard to get his money back.

But I would venture that the real reason Trump fired the Mooch was that they pointed out to Trump that Scaramucci is better at being Trump than Trump himself. The Mooch is slicker, more eloquent and a better public speaker than Trump. He is more coherent and less repetitive. (In case the Donald is reading this, that means the Mooch has better words.) He is younger, thinner, better-looking and he has real hair.

That was great when the Mooch was a talking head kissing Trump's ass on Fox Business News. But that cannot stand for a spokesman that works for Trump directly. Spicey and Huckabee Sanders were much less threatening to Trump than the Mooch because they are both overweight and Trump considers them unattractive. [You can just hear Trump saying, "I would give the Huckabee woman a two, two point five tops. And then only if there's a bag on her head."]

Trump told us himself that he fired Comey because Comey was a showboat and a grandstander. But Comey was a piker compared to the Mooch, who even ended his press conferences with air kisses. And everyone knows the worst offense any employee can commit is to outshine Donald Trump.

Again, we see the Trump brand of loyalty at work: the Mooch sold his hedge fund to work for Trump, to avoid a conflict of interest. Now Trump has stabbed him in the back, kicked him in the curb, and threw him under the bus after the Mooch publicly humiliated himself with profuse declarations of undying love for Trump. Trump even destroyed the Mooch's marriage: his wife filed for divorce just after giving birth last week.

Tell me again why would anyone voluntarily go work as a zookeeper in the monkey house at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and let Donald Trump fling poo at them?