Contributors

Monday, June 09, 2008

Please Kindly Remove the Pole.

On Saturday, The Minnesota DFL Party endorsed Al Franken to be their candidate for US Senate.

With the rest of the country fully nauseated with conservatives in general and aching to give them the heave-ho, one would think that his path to the Senate would be a cake walk, especially in the only state that voted for Mondale in 1984!

And when he is running against Norm "go with the flow" Coleman. A cinch, right?

Wrong.

We must pause here to note two key facts:
  • He is running in the No Fun Capital of the World (See this article)
  • His path to the Senate has been made much more difficult by the teaming (thanks to very astute conservative pundits) of the high fallutin' right wing, morals crowd with the PC "all porn is degrading to women" dorks who have ten foot poles up their asses.
There's nothing we can do about the first problem. Minnesota has one gigantic fun meter and if it goes over to far to the right...well....it's time to go find something miserable to do because, gol darn it, people shouldn't be allowed to have that much fun!! We can't spend our days playing sports, going to clubs, and having a good time with our friends. We have to spend all of leisure time at either Home Depot-Menards-Sears or using what we bought at Home Depot-Menards-Sears fixing up our houses or.......(smoke coming our of Mark's ears) cabins. (side note: this will be the topic of a future non political post entitled Next Stop: Coffin. Just wanted to give you a preview...)

But the second problem....ah the second problem...that is an issue we can do something about. Personally, I was under the impression that the faux "porn is degrading to women" argument was left behind permanently in the 1980s. Sadly, I was wrong. After several of Franken's old sketches from Saturday Night Live were revisited, as well as a piece he wrote for Playboy in 2000, every self righteous woman with a giant pole up her ass has been screaming at the top of their lungs for his head on a pike.

Ironically, and just as loudly, conservatives like Katherine Kersten and other members of the morality police have also been complaining about Franken and are licking their chops at running against him in the coming months. And why wouldn't they? They have a fairly loud group of uptight dingbats on the left who they can exploit and use to help them win the election. The race between Franken and Coleman is close enough that if the anti-porn lefties don't turn out to vote or vote for a third party candidate, then Coleman will be serving a second term.

I wish I could get both groups in one room and spend an hour with them detailing why the 95 percent of the rest of us wish they would shut the fuck up. Both groups need to realized that....PEOPLE LIKE TO FUCK!! In fact, people need to fuck. It is on the very lowest level of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. People also like to talk about fucking, how hot chicks' asses are, and how, on some occasions, it's OK to treat your lover like a plastic fuck doll. Sometimes they even like to write about it or make a joke about it.

And that's just what Al has done. To say that he is a misogynist, and focus on that ad naseaum, is so fucking ludicrous when you compare his Playboy column to....say....Coleman's support of the Iraq War. Why don't we go back and take a look the pictures of the dead children in Iraq? How important does Franken's joke about Leslie Stahl seem now?

It's satire, people. Please lighten the fuck up, remove the pole from your ass, try watching a porn film (I recommend Belladonna's Cock Pigs or Belladonna's Butthole Whores Volume #2-both were made by women) and let's focus on the real issues of the day like Iraq, health care, education, and the economy.

Can we...please?

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

No shit, Mark. God this was a really funny piece. Why do I always seem to date the update women with the poles up their asses?

Anonymous said...

Well, Jeff, you are the common denominator:) I think you are the problem. Hee Hee...

Anonymous said...

People pretend all the time to dislike porn but they are full of crap. Everyone likes it or has enjoyed it at one time or another in their lives. I dated a guy once who claimed he didn't like it and then I showed him one and well...let's just say that that was a good night:)

Anonymous said...

Kersten, hurts to think any variation on that name might be related, eh Mark! Ouch!

Anonymous said...

It's true Sara. I have thought about that. Maybe I am attracted only to uptight women. Anyone know any single girls who like porn?

Anonymous said...

porn from marky's top ten eurotrash titles, to the john donne poetic but still mood-makingly graphic versions ('kiss which sucks two souls and vapors both away') is all in the plasma screen of the mind intensified by the moment which loses control time or space. the imagination and the right other person -- not just their body but their mind - create the best movie. i don't think watching it on a screen, while definitely exciting and helping that moment for some.. is a substitute for the real thing. joanne.

Anonymous said...

Jeff, well I am single and I like porn. Where do you live?

Anonymous said...

I live in Seattle. Live anywhere near there?

Anonymous said...

When did this blog become flirtonline.com? Mark, clean up this shit.

Franken is the best candidate to run against Coleman. Republicans love to rip Franken and say he is weak but his base is really strong. They are going to turn out for him and Republicans are lukewarm about Coleman who suddenly has got religion when it comes to global warming.

Anonymous said...

Gee, talk about people who don't like fun - see tom h.

and sara, if you are a female who likes porn and you are single, the problem probably isn't geography.

Anonymous said...

Agreed. My main problem is most of the men I have been in relationships with get lazy after a few months and never want to do anything except watch TV.

Sorry, Jeff, I live in the Midwest.I guess it will have to be a comments on markadelphia's blog affair:)